I Might Be...

This was 22 weeks along (last week)

I might be...

1. ...tired. OK, exhausted from carrying 2 babies inside of my way extended womb and trying to keep our 2 1/2 year old entertained.
2. ...feeling huge. Yes, huge. I know at 23 weeks with twins I will be getting a lot bigger, but c'mon!! Geez! This is getting a little ridiculous. People look at me and think I'm gonna go into labor in front of them.
3. ...hurting. Pain comes with pregnancy but when my 2 1/2 year old is going through sympathy pains with me, you know there's a problem! She's waddling while holding her back. She's rubbing her belly and saying, "Oooo. Babies!" Every time I get up or move or, really, do anything, I breath a lot harder, so my sweet little girl is constantly rubbing my back or arm or leg and saying, "OK Mommy?"
4. ...annoyed. Yes, annoyed, by all the stupid questions that come along with being pregnant with twins. "Wow! Are you pregnant?" No. I just naturally look like I swallowed a basket ball. "Twins? Wow. So, when are you scheduled?" Scheduled? For what? A hair appointment? Just because I'm having twins doesn't automatically mean I'm being scheduled for a c-section. "So you're having a boy and a girl? That's great! Are they identical?" Oh my God! Really? Are you really that stupid that you're asking if a boy and a girl are identical? Yes. Yes they are. The girl has a penis and the boy has a vagina. Dumb!!! 
5. ...crazy. Crazy for wanting another natural birth. Especially now that there will be 2 babies coming out of me. Yup. I'm crazy, but I have my reasons! Hopefully there is no medical necessity for me having any kind of intervention (although I believe I will have the epidural this time around AND only because if something does go wrong I know I won't be able to sit up and be still for the spinal tap which means I'll have to be knocked out and I DO NOT WANT THAT!!! - please excuse my run-on sentence :) ).
6. ... house-ridden. Not right at the moment, but maybe soon...real soon. Not only is my cervix a little shortened (2.6 cm where normal is 3 cm or higher), but I run out of breath real easily. I'm slightly embarrassed to use the store's wheelchairs thinking there is nothing wrong with me, but there is. I'm pregnant with twins and I can hardly move without feeling like I'm gonna pass out. Not to mention the sciatic pain shooting down my back and butt. Ouch!
7. ...thankful. Yes, with all of these complaints or whatever they are, I am thankful. Thankful for being pregnant at all. Thankful for not going through another miscarriage. Thankful for Lily being a big sister to 2 little babies. Thankful for the most supportive husband who comes home a little early once a week to do the food shopping. Thankful that we will have 3 children because of the day in age that we are living in. Thankful that I survived all the poking and prodding and medications and never gave up hope in having the family Dan and I have always dreamed of having. I am thankful. Yes. Very thankful.

Our Twins

So, on Wednesday, the 9th, I had an appointment to get our babies measured and to find out for sure exactly what the sex is of the one we were unsure about. As it turns out we will be getting our wish: one boy and one girl! Lily will have a brother and a sister which is fantastic!!!

Baby A is our boy, Killian Orion. He is on the bottom and weighs about 1 pound. He was extremely active when the ultrasound technician started. Punching out both arms and legs, we think he was fighting for "his side" of my womb. By the time we were almost done, he was putting all his fingers in his mouth and falling asleep.

Baby B is our girl, Piper Wren. She is on the top and weighs about 14 ounces. She too was active in the beginning, but I think that had something to do with her brother kicking and punching her. A girl's gotta stand up for herself and it seems to be starting very early! By the time we were almost done, she was fast asleep as well. The technician was using my stomach as a sorta punching bag trying to get her to wake up and turn over. That didn't feel good at all and it didn't work.

The technician had me lay down on the chair flat. About 20 minutes in I couldn't take it anymore. My sciatic nerve pain in my back was KILLING ME!!!! I asked how much longer and she raised the chair up a bit so I wasn't laying flat any longer. It helped a little. Then she had me get up to empty my bladder so she could do an intrauterine ultrasound to measure my cervix. I could barely walk to the bathroom which was two doors down. I was in so much pain.

Once in the bathroom, I needed to give a sample so they could check my glucose levels. Let me just tell you that when you are pregnant and have a huge belly which is unmovable, getting that little collection cup in line with your "stream" is extremely difficult! That's all I'll say about that.

When everything was measured and I was done, Dan and I met with the doctor. This was a new doctor in the office, not the regular ones I normally see. Everything seemed to be OK. Both babies are at a good weight and I was given my next appointment date in four weeks for the gestational diabetes test.

Thursday, the 10th, I got a call from one of the regular doctors I see. He said that the babies looked good but that my cervix was a little shortened. Meaning I could go into preterm labor more easily because my cervix is not at a normal length. Since I didn't have my cervix measured when I was pregnant with Lily, I don't know if this is a pre-existing condition or if it's just this pregnancy. My doctor seems to think I could've had a shortened cervix with Lily since she came at 37 weeks, but we'll never know for sure. He said it is common for twins to come early anyway, but he prescribed Crinone (progesterone) to try to help prolong the pregnancy. I took Crinone in the 1st trimester to help keep the pregnancy and prevent miscarriage.

Anyway, I'll be taking the Crinone for the rest of the pregnancy and instead of waiting four weeks to go back, I have to go back in two weeks so they can check my cervix again. He said I wasn't dilated or anything so that is a good thing. I'm just hoping I don't have to go on bed rest. Or if I do, I hope it's just to limit my activities like not lifting anything heavy, aka: Lily, and no strenuous activity. I've already told Dan I'm putting myself on  limited activity so as to not make this a bigger problem than it is.

So, that's that. On a lighter note, Lily said her name for the 1st time on Wednesday. When we had asked her what her name was previously, she would always say, "Me." Now she says, "Leelee." Too cute!

Dear Lily

Dear Lily,

You are our "Rainbow Baby." The one who came to us after a long and painful journey. You are our little miracle. Mommy and Daddy love you with all our hearts and we will continue to love you just the same when you become a Big Sister.

You will be the best Big Sister because you are so caring and loving. I know it may be difficult at times since you will become a Big Sister of two at once, but just know that Mommy and Daddy will try our hardest to give you no less attention than you are used to. We will continue to play with you, and read to you, and watch Peppa Pig with you. We will take you on adventures that are just for you - "Lily Dates." We hope that this big change won't be a big emotional change for you.

Love with all our hearts,

Mommy & Daddy

_________________________________________________________________________________

How do I share all the love I feel for Lily with two other babies? How do I divide my heart up without trying to give any less love to Lily? How do other parents do it? How do parents go from having one child that is the world to them and jump right into an automatic three? I'm sure it may be difficult with having just one more child at a time, but having another two at once? Twins will take up a lot of time and energy. How will I cope? How will Lily cope? How will I divide my attention three ways without making Lily feel any less loved? It scares me when I think about it. I know I will get into a groove and all will eventually be OK and work out, but until I'm knee deep in it, I'm a little nervous about it.

6 Weeks Ahead of Schedule

Uh oh. I'll be 18 weeks tomorrow but at my OB appointment today I'm measuring 24 weeks. That's 6 weeks ahead of schedule which puts me at a 34 week due date or October 9th instead of November 20th. Umm...I'm not sure I'm ready to be due in just 16 weeks. That seems crazy!!!

Being that I'm measuring at 24 weeks, it totally makes sense now why I'm so out of breath all the time. My belly is big and, hello?? There are 2 babies in there! They are not only taking up lots of space, they are moving around and switching positions all the time. My OB thinks that's a little unusual. Twins will normally pick a spot and toss and turn within that area (like one on top and one on the bottom. OR one on the right side and the other on the left). But not my twins. No. They like to take turns on who is on the top and bottom and who is on the left and right. Dan says we'll have to remember this and see what they are like after they are born.

Speaking of the twins, I did mention that through a blood test they determined that we are having at least one boy. Well, it looks like there is a girl in there too! We think. 2 weeks ago, it was up in the air but today it looks more and more like it is a girl. Awesome!!

Last week at 17 weeks along

Lily has an ear infection. The only good part about it is that she's been asking to go down for naps which gives me time to relax and get a break from her mania. Last Saturday, she went down for bed and woke up at 10:30pm screaming and sticking her finger in her right ear. Luckily, PM Pediatrics is open until midnight so Dan and I got her in the car and went. The doctor got a huge amount of gross ear wax out from her right ear and there was an infection behind it. I hope she gets to being her normal self really soon, 'cause it's so stressful when one moment she's laughing, then the next she's screaming and crying. It's not good for her and definitely not good for me in my condition (you know? Pregnant, with twins).

Speaking of being sick, I'm also not feeling great. Besides the whole out of breath thing, I have a sore and scratchy throat. My OB felt my lymph nodes, but all seemed to be OK. She prescribed me a Zpack just in case it becomes worse. Last night I was running a low grade fever. I also threw up my entire dinner just 3 hours after eating it. But throwing up is nothing new. That was probably just due to the pregnancy.

I go back in another 2 weeks to see my OB. At that point we should have a definitive answer on our girl status and hopefully some really good ultrasound pics!

The Shopping Dilemma

It happened when I was pregnant with Lily...

I was in Kohl's shopping for about an hour. As I waited on line I felt weak and was blacking out. Uh-oh! I was going down. Luckily, this older couple helped me. They were the only one's even though there was a line full of people and workers who saw me but did nothing to lend a hand. I was noticeably pregnant at the time and it saddened me to think that if that couple was not there to catch me as I fell to the floor, I would have fallen and possibly passed out.

It happened again last week. This time I was in Target. I think the shopping cart got too heavy for me and I started feeling weak and shaky. Luckily I was in the bread and Hostess Cakes aisle and grabbed myself a box of brownies. Again, I was/am noticeably pregnant and a few people did pass me by as I grabbed and leaned over my shopping cart breathing heavy and looking pale. Did they stop to ask if I was OK? Not one person did. I made my way over to the shoe department to sit down. I scarfed down some brownies and drank a bottle of water I brought from home.

After about 10 minutes I was feeling a little better but didn't trust that I could make it through the rest of my shopping trip. I called home. My mother was watching Lily and luckily my dad stopped by so she could come to help me out. I needed her to push the cart so I could finish my shopping. My mom found me by the shoes and we proceeded to go through the rest of the aisles. We were almost done when I needed to rest again. I sat down for about 5 minutes before getting up to go to the check out line.

So now it is official. I cannot go shopping by myself anymore for the rest of this pregnancy. Unless it is a quick in and out trip, I just can't take the chance of having an episode with no one there to help. It sucks, but who said pregnancy was going to be a cake walk?

SUPER LILY

Lily helped pick out some new P.J.'s now that she's in a 3T size. She loved this one - cape and all! Now, when she wears it, she zooms around the house with her arms in front of her and sometimes behind her while making a "ZOOOOOOOM" sound. We gotta get it on video, it's too cute not to.

Bye Bye Midwife, Hello OB

It seems that the price of having twins is not being able to have the one on one interactions and help from my midwife. Unfortunately it seems that having twins means high risk and my midwife is not legally able to help deliver high risk babies. When she told me, I cried. It was truly upsetting that the woman who helped me through the most difficult and painful experience I have ever known, was unable to do it again. I begged her to recommend an OB she trusted and possibly worked with before. She recommended Dr. Granoff and Dr. Lee whose office is in East Northport, but they deliver out of NUMC (my 1st choice hospital). Needless to say, she recommended great doctors!

Having had really bad experiences with OB's in the past, I was pleasantly surprised by how supportive these two doctors are of my birth choices. Dr. Lee said it best, "We are like midwives with a medical degree." FYI: My midwife with Lily did have a degree, but it was for nursing (she is a Certified Nurse Midwife - CNM).
I never feel rushed when I'm in the office. I always have plenty of time to ask questions and have them answered completely and honestly. I trust that they have only good intentions for a happy and healthy pregnancy and labor. The other OB's I have been to seem to only care about what's best and convenient for them, so these two are a welcomed change.

It seems like I did so much research when I was pregnant with Lily as to how I wanted my birth experience to be. Well all that research is half down the drain now that I'm carrying twins. It's a whole different ball game here and I'm a little more than slightly terrified. I'm 16 weeks along tomorrow and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that there are two babies in my ever growing belly. It seems as though time is just flying by because I look, and feel, so much farther along than what I am. I'm trying to get all the information I can on delivering twins naturally. Yup, I'm THAT crazy to want to deliver naturally again AND with twins! But that's me. I had all these really great reasons for not wanting any drugs with Lily's birth and they have stuck with me with this pregnancy. Unfortunately with twins, I'm less likely to have the birth experience I'm hoping for. So collecting any and all information I can is a good thing, although quite difficult. There aren't a lot of resources that offer info on multiple births. It's weird because many women these days are having more and more multiple births due to infertility issues and IVF.

On a bit of a different note, I am sleeping on the couch again. I did it while pregnant with Lily because I just couldn't get comfortable in the bed. This time is slightly different. I've been having really bad sciatic pain in my lower left side/hip area. Sleeping in bed was making the pain worse. When I woke up, I had so much trouble moving even the tiniest bit because the pain was too unbearable. So, the couch. I am thankful for our couch. We have one with fairly large cushions and it's deep so laying on it is very comfortable. Also, my back/hip is thankful because the pain has subsided dramatically! Awesome!! I just wish our bed was more like the couch because I hate being in the living room all night. Oh well. Just gotta stick it out another 20-24 more weeks.

Lily can't wait to be a Big Sister!

14 Weeks Along

Lily                                                   Twins

Wow. Look at the difference. Oh how young I looked when pregnant with Lily. It seems so long ago. I was 33 years old when pregnant with Lily in 2011 and now, 36 with the twins. I'm older, wiser, and a stronger woman than I ever thought I was back in 2011. I've been through a natural birth. The kind of birth most women are scared of. The kind that requires strength and courage. The kind that is excruciatingly painful but worth it. Now I know I can do anything because nothing will be as hard as giving birth to an 8lb, 2oz baby without any drugs... except maybe giving birth to two at once.

Twins. Look how much bigger I am at 9 weeks, at 12. Of course it has to be because there are two in there. Two. I'm still trying to get used to that. We found out through a chromosomal blood test last week that we are having at least one boy! A BOY!! Woohoo! Dan's very excited 'cause he gets to carry on the Gorman name on the East Coast (his brother has two boys out in California)! They can only tell one and not the other because it's a blood test. If they didn't detect a Y chromosome, we would be having two girls, but they did detect a Y chromosome.  Unfortunately they can't tell if there's two boys and they can't differentiate between my chromosomes if the other is a girl. So we will have to wait to see on an ultrasound what the other is. That's OK though, it gives us something else to look forward to. 

I've been feeling kicks every once in a while. The first time I felt it was on Mother's Day. What a great way for them to tell me "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!" I thought it was strange being so early, but my OB says it could be because there are two or because I know what kicks feel like. Most first time pregnant woman can't tell the difference between kicks and bodily functions - like gas. Well, when you get jabbed like someone is taking a finger and poking you really hard but from the inside, I'm sure that isn't gas!

Hmm. What else has been going on? 

I designed this to go on a t-shirt for Lily to wear at our House Warming Party we had last Saturday. Unfortunately, I couldn't hide the fact that my belly looks like I swallowed a basketball, so the shirt felt kinda pointless. Plus, people didn't really see it. Lily was running around and when they did get a chance to see it, it didn't really make the impact I was hoping for. I don't think everyone got the "Membership Expires" part. Oh well. I still like the idea of it.

I guess I'll leave it at that for this week. Hope you all have a Happy Memorial Day weekend and just remember what/who we really should be celebrating on Monday... Our troops!