Dear Lily

Dear Lily,

You are our "Rainbow Baby." The one who came to us after a long and painful journey. You are our little miracle. Mommy and Daddy love you with all our hearts and we will continue to love you just the same when you become a Big Sister.

You will be the best Big Sister because you are so caring and loving. I know it may be difficult at times since you will become a Big Sister of two at once, but just know that Mommy and Daddy will try our hardest to give you no less attention than you are used to. We will continue to play with you, and read to you, and watch Peppa Pig with you. We will take you on adventures that are just for you - "Lily Dates." We hope that this big change won't be a big emotional change for you.

Love with all our hearts,

Mommy & Daddy

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How do I share all the love I feel for Lily with two other babies? How do I divide my heart up without trying to give any less love to Lily? How do other parents do it? How do parents go from having one child that is the world to them and jump right into an automatic three? I'm sure it may be difficult with having just one more child at a time, but having another two at once? Twins will take up a lot of time and energy. How will I cope? How will Lily cope? How will I divide my attention three ways without making Lily feel any less loved? It scares me when I think about it. I know I will get into a groove and all will eventually be OK and work out, but until I'm knee deep in it, I'm a little nervous about it.

6 Weeks Ahead of Schedule

Uh oh. I'll be 18 weeks tomorrow but at my OB appointment today I'm measuring 24 weeks. That's 6 weeks ahead of schedule which puts me at a 34 week due date or October 9th instead of November 20th. Umm...I'm not sure I'm ready to be due in just 16 weeks. That seems crazy!!!

Being that I'm measuring at 24 weeks, it totally makes sense now why I'm so out of breath all the time. My belly is big and, hello?? There are 2 babies in there! They are not only taking up lots of space, they are moving around and switching positions all the time. My OB thinks that's a little unusual. Twins will normally pick a spot and toss and turn within that area (like one on top and one on the bottom. OR one on the right side and the other on the left). But not my twins. No. They like to take turns on who is on the top and bottom and who is on the left and right. Dan says we'll have to remember this and see what they are like after they are born.

Speaking of the twins, I did mention that through a blood test they determined that we are having at least one boy. Well, it looks like there is a girl in there too! We think. 2 weeks ago, it was up in the air but today it looks more and more like it is a girl. Awesome!!

Last week at 17 weeks along

Lily has an ear infection. The only good part about it is that she's been asking to go down for naps which gives me time to relax and get a break from her mania. Last Saturday, she went down for bed and woke up at 10:30pm screaming and sticking her finger in her right ear. Luckily, PM Pediatrics is open until midnight so Dan and I got her in the car and went. The doctor got a huge amount of gross ear wax out from her right ear and there was an infection behind it. I hope she gets to being her normal self really soon, 'cause it's so stressful when one moment she's laughing, then the next she's screaming and crying. It's not good for her and definitely not good for me in my condition (you know? Pregnant, with twins).

Speaking of being sick, I'm also not feeling great. Besides the whole out of breath thing, I have a sore and scratchy throat. My OB felt my lymph nodes, but all seemed to be OK. She prescribed me a Zpack just in case it becomes worse. Last night I was running a low grade fever. I also threw up my entire dinner just 3 hours after eating it. But throwing up is nothing new. That was probably just due to the pregnancy.

I go back in another 2 weeks to see my OB. At that point we should have a definitive answer on our girl status and hopefully some really good ultrasound pics!

The Shopping Dilemma

It happened when I was pregnant with Lily...

I was in Kohl's shopping for about an hour. As I waited on line I felt weak and was blacking out. Uh-oh! I was going down. Luckily, this older couple helped me. They were the only one's even though there was a line full of people and workers who saw me but did nothing to lend a hand. I was noticeably pregnant at the time and it saddened me to think that if that couple was not there to catch me as I fell to the floor, I would have fallen and possibly passed out.

It happened again last week. This time I was in Target. I think the shopping cart got too heavy for me and I started feeling weak and shaky. Luckily I was in the bread and Hostess Cakes aisle and grabbed myself a box of brownies. Again, I was/am noticeably pregnant and a few people did pass me by as I grabbed and leaned over my shopping cart breathing heavy and looking pale. Did they stop to ask if I was OK? Not one person did. I made my way over to the shoe department to sit down. I scarfed down some brownies and drank a bottle of water I brought from home.

After about 10 minutes I was feeling a little better but didn't trust that I could make it through the rest of my shopping trip. I called home. My mother was watching Lily and luckily my dad stopped by so she could come to help me out. I needed her to push the cart so I could finish my shopping. My mom found me by the shoes and we proceeded to go through the rest of the aisles. We were almost done when I needed to rest again. I sat down for about 5 minutes before getting up to go to the check out line.

So now it is official. I cannot go shopping by myself anymore for the rest of this pregnancy. Unless it is a quick in and out trip, I just can't take the chance of having an episode with no one there to help. It sucks, but who said pregnancy was going to be a cake walk?

SUPER LILY

Lily helped pick out some new P.J.'s now that she's in a 3T size. She loved this one - cape and all! Now, when she wears it, she zooms around the house with her arms in front of her and sometimes behind her while making a "ZOOOOOOOM" sound. We gotta get it on video, it's too cute not to.

Bye Bye Midwife, Hello OB

It seems that the price of having twins is not being able to have the one on one interactions and help from my midwife. Unfortunately it seems that having twins means high risk and my midwife is not legally able to help deliver high risk babies. When she told me, I cried. It was truly upsetting that the woman who helped me through the most difficult and painful experience I have ever known, was unable to do it again. I begged her to recommend an OB she trusted and possibly worked with before. She recommended Dr. Granoff and Dr. Lee whose office is in East Northport, but they deliver out of NUMC (my 1st choice hospital). Needless to say, she recommended great doctors!

Having had really bad experiences with OB's in the past, I was pleasantly surprised by how supportive these two doctors are of my birth choices. Dr. Lee said it best, "We are like midwives with a medical degree." FYI: My midwife with Lily did have a degree, but it was for nursing (she is a Certified Nurse Midwife - CNM).
I never feel rushed when I'm in the office. I always have plenty of time to ask questions and have them answered completely and honestly. I trust that they have only good intentions for a happy and healthy pregnancy and labor. The other OB's I have been to seem to only care about what's best and convenient for them, so these two are a welcomed change.

It seems like I did so much research when I was pregnant with Lily as to how I wanted my birth experience to be. Well all that research is half down the drain now that I'm carrying twins. It's a whole different ball game here and I'm a little more than slightly terrified. I'm 16 weeks along tomorrow and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that there are two babies in my ever growing belly. It seems as though time is just flying by because I look, and feel, so much farther along than what I am. I'm trying to get all the information I can on delivering twins naturally. Yup, I'm THAT crazy to want to deliver naturally again AND with twins! But that's me. I had all these really great reasons for not wanting any drugs with Lily's birth and they have stuck with me with this pregnancy. Unfortunately with twins, I'm less likely to have the birth experience I'm hoping for. So collecting any and all information I can is a good thing, although quite difficult. There aren't a lot of resources that offer info on multiple births. It's weird because many women these days are having more and more multiple births due to infertility issues and IVF.

On a bit of a different note, I am sleeping on the couch again. I did it while pregnant with Lily because I just couldn't get comfortable in the bed. This time is slightly different. I've been having really bad sciatic pain in my lower left side/hip area. Sleeping in bed was making the pain worse. When I woke up, I had so much trouble moving even the tiniest bit because the pain was too unbearable. So, the couch. I am thankful for our couch. We have one with fairly large cushions and it's deep so laying on it is very comfortable. Also, my back/hip is thankful because the pain has subsided dramatically! Awesome!! I just wish our bed was more like the couch because I hate being in the living room all night. Oh well. Just gotta stick it out another 20-24 more weeks.

Lily can't wait to be a Big Sister!

14 Weeks Along

Lily                                                   Twins

Wow. Look at the difference. Oh how young I looked when pregnant with Lily. It seems so long ago. I was 33 years old when pregnant with Lily in 2011 and now, 36 with the twins. I'm older, wiser, and a stronger woman than I ever thought I was back in 2011. I've been through a natural birth. The kind of birth most women are scared of. The kind that requires strength and courage. The kind that is excruciatingly painful but worth it. Now I know I can do anything because nothing will be as hard as giving birth to an 8lb, 2oz baby without any drugs... except maybe giving birth to two at once.

Twins. Look how much bigger I am at 9 weeks, at 12. Of course it has to be because there are two in there. Two. I'm still trying to get used to that. We found out through a chromosomal blood test last week that we are having at least one boy! A BOY!! Woohoo! Dan's very excited 'cause he gets to carry on the Gorman name on the East Coast (his brother has two boys out in California)! They can only tell one and not the other because it's a blood test. If they didn't detect a Y chromosome, we would be having two girls, but they did detect a Y chromosome.  Unfortunately they can't tell if there's two boys and they can't differentiate between my chromosomes if the other is a girl. So we will have to wait to see on an ultrasound what the other is. That's OK though, it gives us something else to look forward to. 

I've been feeling kicks every once in a while. The first time I felt it was on Mother's Day. What a great way for them to tell me "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!" I thought it was strange being so early, but my OB says it could be because there are two or because I know what kicks feel like. Most first time pregnant woman can't tell the difference between kicks and bodily functions - like gas. Well, when you get jabbed like someone is taking a finger and poking you really hard but from the inside, I'm sure that isn't gas!

Hmm. What else has been going on? 

I designed this to go on a t-shirt for Lily to wear at our House Warming Party we had last Saturday. Unfortunately, I couldn't hide the fact that my belly looks like I swallowed a basketball, so the shirt felt kinda pointless. Plus, people didn't really see it. Lily was running around and when they did get a chance to see it, it didn't really make the impact I was hoping for. I don't think everyone got the "Membership Expires" part. Oh well. I still like the idea of it.

I guess I'll leave it at that for this week. Hope you all have a Happy Memorial Day weekend and just remember what/who we really should be celebrating on Monday... Our troops!

Testing the Tube: A New Journey

As many of you know by now, we are pregnant with babies #2 & 3! That's right, TWINS!! EEEKKKK! This more than makes up for our 5 failed attempts at conceiving last year. For those of you who are interested, this post is the story of how we got pregnant.

We started the IVF (in-vitro fertilization) process January 8th. It was quite different from doing IUI's (intro-uterine insemination) which we had done to get our Lily. I had a thought the other day that Lily, even though we had to do an IUI to have her, she still was conceived "inside" of me. Meaning, the sperm found my egg and the whole fertilization process was done inside my body as if I actually got pregnant by having sex. TMI? Sorry. But baby #2 will be a "test tube baby." I don't like that title, but that's basically what he or she will be. My egg floats around in a petri dish and Dan's sperm will be placed in the dish to find it's way to the egg OR the sperm will be ejected directly into the egg with a process called ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). Once fertilization happens, the now embryo, will be placed back inside of me to hopefully implant itself into my uterine wall. How amazing is it that we live in an age where this is a new normal for people who can't conceive naturally?

All together, it took 9 weeks from the start of the process to the end when we found out that we were pregnant. What a long journey but definitely worth it.

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I was on 10 medications with the IVF process:

Medication #1: The Pill - Started 1/10/14 ... Ended 1/30/14

True that the pill is used to prevent pregnancy, but it also has a greater function for those who will be doing IVF. The Pill will stop my follicles from growing eggs. This is important because we need a lot of eggs to grow all at once for the best chance of egg retrieval.

Side effects? A little moodiness.

Medication #2: Lupron - Started 1/26/14 ... Ended 2/24/14

Lupron (leuprolide acetate) prevents ovulation in order to control the timing of IVF or artificial insemination. I started taking Lupron 2 1/2 weeks after the start of my cycle. It is taken as an injection in my abdomen.

Side effects? It has been giving me major headaches at night and upset stomach. Luckily, once I started the next 2 meds on my list, I went down in the dosage amount of Lupron...which helped ease the headaches and stomach issues.

Medication #3: Menopur - Started 2/9/14 ... Ended 2/23/14

 This is used to stimulate the development of multiple eggs and is injected in my abdomen.

Side effects? Well, besides the horrible burning sensation I get from injecting it into my stomach, I would say moodiness is a major side effect.

Medication #4: Gonal-F - Started 2/9/14 ... Ended 2/24/14

This is a human follicle stimulating hormone that gets injected in my abdomen. I take this in conjunction with the Lupron and Menopur. 

Side effects? Moodiness.

Medication #5: Ovidrel - Started 2/25/14 ... one dose only

Another injection in my abdomen, Ovidrel stimulates the release of the egg during ovulation. I only take this once.

Medication #6: Dostinex - Started 2/27/14...Ended 3/4/14

This was used to prevent Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS). I had a lot of follicles so they didn't want to take any chances.

Medication #7: Doxycycline - Started 2/26/14...Ended 3/4/14

This antibiotic pill will be taken 2 times a day for 7 days starting the night before they retrieve my eggs. We don't want an infection!

Medication #8: Methylprednisolone - Started 2/27/14...Ended 3/4/14

I take this pill once a day for 6 days the night of the egg retrieval. It is used to relieve inflammation.

Medication #9: Crinone - Started 3/1/14...Ended 4/24/14

This coats the vaginal tissues to provide long-lasting release of progesterone. I'll be taking this once a day. I will continue to take this for the 2 week wait and if I am pregnant, I keep taking it until week 10 of my pregnancy.

Medication #10: Estradiol - Started 3/8/14...Ended 3/17/14

Making sure the estrogen levels are where they need to be, I will be taking this pill 2 times a day.

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As you may have guessed from reading all the injectables I needed to take, my abdomen looked like a drug addicts arm with all the puncture marks and bruises. Not pretty.

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The Retrieval Process

On 2/27/14 I went in to my fertility doctor's office at 7:30 am. I was put under local anesthesia for this procedure.

I had a total of 16 eggs retrieved. Out of those eggs, 9 were able to be fertilized. 2 were chosen to be placed back inside of me. Out of the 7 remaining embryos, 3 survived to the freezing process for that just in case we need them scenario.

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The Transfer Process

On 3/4/14 I went in to my fertility doctor's office at 8:45 am. I went in with a full bladder, the 2 embryos got injected inside of my uterus at precisely the spot where they will need to implant themselves, I stayed laying down for 30 minutes, I went home to wait.

I was a 5-day transfer, meaning the 2 embryos that were placed inside of me already made it to the blastocyst stage. This is a good thing because it means that they were stronger and more likely to survive. Now they just need to attach to my uterine lining.

Here's an outline of what is happening when everything goes according to plan.

5-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Two	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Three	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Four	Implantation continues
Five	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Six	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Seven	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eight	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Nine	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

                                                                                                                                                           Taken from nyufertilitycenter.org

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The 2 Week Wait

Once I got home, I was put on strict bed rest for 48 hours.  After that I was on restricted activity for the dreaded 2 week wait. That meant no lifting heavy objects. Hmm? What about Lily? Yes, she is a heavy object and I was very limited by how I could lift her if needed (in and out of the crib only).

The 2 week waiting period to find out if all the work to get pregnant was a success was so dreadful. I just wanted to know already!!!! During that time I was going in for blood work to make sure my hormone levels looked good.

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Our Wait Is Over

On 3/12/14 we got our answer to whether this whole lengthy process worked. We didn't have to wait the full 2 weeks to get the call that informed us of our future... We are pregnant!

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Our 1st Ultrasound

On 3/19/14 Dan and I went in for our 1st ultrasound to make sure everything was looking good. We were very curious to find out if just one embryo made it or both. We got our answer - BOTH took and we are having twins. Wow. The first thought was, "We need a bigger car." Oh boy. We are going to be a family of 5!

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Our 2nd Ultrasound

On 3/27/14 Dan and I went back to our fertility doctor to hear the heartbeats. This was nerve racking. With everything that we have been through from our very first pregnancy back in 2009 to now, we have always been very cautious...or at least I have been. No need to worry right now though, we heard two healthy heartbeats!

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Our 3rd & Final Ultrasound With Our Fertility Doctor

On 4/3/14 I went in for my last ultrasound with our fertility doctor. This time, my sister Kristene came along to videotape so Dan could see when he got home from work. Again, we heard two beautiful, healthy heartbeats! 

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Now our journey to being a family of 5 really begins. Stay tuned!

Another Long Journey

This post is about our hopes to having baby #2 and the process by which we have had to endure to try and make it happen. It's a long post and I apologize.

(IF YOU DO READ THE WHOLE POST PLEASE LEAVE US A COMMENT! Your thoughts are always appreciated.)
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Try #1

On March 27th I started my cycle. By cycle I mean that annoying monthly visiter every girl dreads appearing due to the cramping, binge eating, crying, anger, and what ever other emotions and actions we may have just before, during, and just after. So there I am, with my monthly visiter on day one, calling up my fertility specialist to make an appointment for day 3 to get blood work and an ultrasound. Hooray! We get to start the process for baby #2.

Day 3 (3/29) rolls around and I go and get blood drawn and an intrauterine ultrasound done early in the morning. Gotta make sure everything looks A-OK before I can start my cycle of meds before the IUI (intrauterine insemination). That afternoon I get the go ahead to start taking Femara, also known as Letrozole, which is a drug used to stimulate ovulation in women with PCOS (polycystic Ovary Syndrome). It helps stimulate extra follicles and eggs. This has helped me before with getting pregnant with Lily. I have to take this medication for 5 days.

Day 10 (4/5) came and off to the doctor again. This time I have to get more blood drawn and another intrauterine ultrasound. They are now checking to see if the Femara helped stimulate my egg growth. It did! I had 1 good follicle on my right side and 2 on my left. By "good" I mean big. Ones that seem to be growing well. You need at least 1 follicle that is between a range of 18mm and 22mm to trigger ovulation for the IUI's. This means that if you do become pregnant, the egg will be mature (large) enough to sustain the pregnancy. This is where I have trouble on my own. My follicles don't mature enough to sustain a pregnancy, hence my 2 prior miscarriages before having Lily. Yay for modern day medicine to help me out with that! By day 10, I already had one follicle that was 21mm, another that was 18mm, and the 3rd was 15mm!

Day 13 (4/8) I went to the doctor again. My intrauterine ultrasound showed that the follicle that was 15mm had stopped growing. No big deal, I still had two more large ones and they grew even bigger since my last visit. That afternoon I got the thumbs up to take my ovulation trigger shot, Ovidrel, on day 14 (4/9).

Day 15 (4/10) IUI day #1! Alright. Here we go. Dan and I had Lily spend the night at Dan's parent's house so we wouldn't have to worry about her today. In the morning we did our thing and off to the doctor's office we went! We had super high hopes in making this IUI process work on the first shot. Evereything went well on IUI Day #1 and now for IUI Day #2.

Day 16 (4/11) IUI Day #2. As much as we missed Lily the previous night, we had her stay with my parent's this time so we could have uninterrupted IUI business. Same as the previous day, all good with a hopeful IUI outcome. Now we wait 2 weeks for a blood test to see if I'm pregnant.

Day 17 (4/12) start taking progesterone (Crinone) once a day for these 2 weeks. It will help implantation if I do become pregnant. If I do get that positive result in 2 weeks, I will be taking this medication for the whole first trimester.

2 week wait is finally over (4/25)! I went in the morning to get my blood drawn. The results are in.
NOT PREGNANT. Damn! Now we start all over again. It took 4 IUI's before getting a positive with Lily. Let's hope it only takes 2 this time.

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Try #2

On April 27th I started my cycle (day 1) and this whole process starts all over again. Just a side note: my cycle started on April 28, 2011 when the IUI worked with Lily. Could this be a coincidence? Could it be fate? If we do get pregnant this time around baby #2 will have the same due date as Lily (although Lily came 3 weeks early).

Day 3 (4/29) I go to the fertility doctor for blood work and an intrauterine ultrasound. Everything checks out and I can start taking my medication (Femara) for 5 days.

Day 10 (5/6) time to get more blood work and another intrauterine ultrasound. Looking good in there with a nice, thick lining (on the uterine wall) and it looks like I have 2 follicles that are growing on my right ovary. They aren't as big as they were last month on day 10 but they are still good. Keeping my hopes high that this time will work!

Day 12 (5/8) off to the doctor's office for yet another intrauterine ultrasound and blood work. This whole process sucks but is definitely worth it in the end.

Day 13 (5/9) oh boy! Another morning at the doctors. Blood drawn and intrauterine ultrasound complete. My results show I am ready to take the Ovidrel trigger shot to start ovulation! Dropped Lily off at my parent's house for a sleep over.

Day 14 (5/10) IUI Day #1. 80,000,000 sperm, 85% mobile, 2 mature eggs. Wow! Those are some good odds!!! Dropped Lily off at Dan's parent's house for a sleep over.

Day 15 (5/11) IUI Day #2. Praying to fertility Gods and Goddesses around the globe that this works! Now we wait 2 weeks for blood work to see if it did.

Day 16 (5/12) start taking progesterone (Crinone) once a day.

2 week wait is over (5/24)! Blood drawn in the morning. The results are in.
NOT PREGNANT. Shit. Hopefully 3rd time's a charm with this one. Now to start all over again. UGH!!!

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Try #3

On May 27th I started my cycle (Day 1). I'm so disappointed we have to go through this whole process again. The only thing that keeps me doing it is that end result - a baby. Let's all keep our fingers crossed it works this time around.

Day 3 (5/29) Blood work and an intrauterine ultrasound. Everything checked out and I start my medication (Femara) for the next 5 days.

Day 10 (6/5) Blood work and an intrauterine ultrasound. I have only one good follicle this time around on my left ovary. One is OK. You only need one to get pregnant!

Day 12 (6/7) More blood work and another intrauterine ultrasound. It's never ending. Things are moving along slowly this cycle but still is OK.

Day 15 (6/10) Can you guess what I had done? That's right! Blood work and an intrauterine ultrasound. Things looking good and I got the all clear to take the Ovidrel trigger shot tomorrow (6/11) night to start ovulation.

Day 17 (6/12) IUI Day #1. Please work!
Day 18 (6/13) IUI Day #2. PLEASE WORK!!!

Day 19 (6/14) Start taking progesterone (Crinone) once a day.

2 week wait is over (6/27)! Blood drawn. Results are in.
NOT PREGNANT. Ugh. Now our doctor wants to sit down with us to go over our options. This sucks!

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Try #4

On June 30th I started my cycle.

Day 3 (7/2) Waited until Dan got home from work to go to the doctor. Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound done. Talked with our doctor about our treatment options. Was told that even though the IUI's worked in the past (for Lily) doesn't mean they will work now. I'm older and things may just be harder for me now. I have two options:

1. Another IUI but this time instead of taking Femara on days 3 to 7, I will be doing injectables starting on day 4 through to the ovulation trigger shot. 
2. Instead of IUI, I can do an IVF. That's where they take the egg out and inject the sperm directly into it, then put it back inside me. I would do injectable with that too but not until around day 21. 

Day 4 (7/3) Decision day. It seems our insurance has been taking very minimally from our $15000 lifetime allowance for infertility treatments. This is great news because an IVF cycle is about $15000 in itself. So we have decided to do just one more IUI cycle but this time with the injectables which I will be starting tonight. If it doesn't work this time around, we will then do the IVF.

Day 5 (7/4) Injectable day 2.

Day 6 (7/5) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 3.
Day 9 (7/8) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 6.
Day 12 (7/11) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 9.

Day 13 (7/12) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 10. Finally get to take the Ovidrel trigger shot tomorrow (7/13) night to start ovulation. I have 3 good follicles which means 3 eggs should release and we have 3 chances to get pregnant. PLEASE WORK!!!!!

Day 15 (7/14) IUI Day #1. Lily is 18 months old today. PLEASE let that be good luck!
Day 16 (7/15) IUI Day #2.

Day 17 (7/16) Start taking progesterone (Crinone) once a day.

2 week wait is over (7/29)! Blood drawn. Results are in.
NOT PREGNANT. So disappointing. Because this was our first try on the injectables, we decided to do one more cycle with them.

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Try #5

On July 30th I started my cycle.

Day 3 (8/3) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 1. This time I'm on a higher dose.

Day 7 (8/5) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 5.

Day 10 (8/8) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 8. Wow! The higher dose of injectables seems to be doing the job. Maybe too well. I have 15 growing follicles on my left side and
10 on my right. This was in the back of everyone's minds that might happen since I have a lot of follicles in the first place (they just don't seem to grow on their own). This time when I take my injectables I will take them at a lower dosage to try to slow things down a bit.

Day 11 (8/9) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Well, the lower dosage of injectables worked and the follicles carrying growing eggs seems to have slowed down the growth a bit. The good news is that I would be the perfect candidate now for an IVF cycle since at least 7 eggs would be released when I ovulate. The bad news is that I can't do the IUI cycle we wanted this time around because at least 7 eggs would be released when I ovulate. My chances of having multiple births is too great. By multiple, I mean quadruplets! Yikes!!

What this means for us: We will now stop trying for baby #2 this year. An IVF cycle costs $15,000 plus the cost of meds. We have a little less than $14,000 left in our medical insurance to cover it but spending $2,000 or more right now out of pocket is not an option for us. We have our new house to get settled before we can spend any money on anything else.

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5 months of trying. 5 months of medication. 5 months of poking and prodding. 5 months of hope & 5 months of disappointment. 

When you are younger you never think that getting pregnant would be so hard. I will be 36 this year and you always hear that once you hit and pass 35 years of age, it gets even harder. Dan and I are so blessed to have had this process work for us 2 years ago. We have Lily and she truly is our rainbow baby - the beautiful light after our 2 heartaches. If she is to be our only child we are truly fortunate. 

We will try again so Lily may have a brother or sister. We will go through this process again, as long and painful as it may be. We will not give up hope of having another baby. In the next 4 months we will concentrate on our new house and doing everything we can on making it a great home for our family. Then, in January, we will try again. 

Thank you for reading through this blog post. I know it was long and there was no happy ending, but Dan and I feel that if this is the end, we already have our happy ending - we have each other, Lily, and a new home.