15 Months, 3 1/2 Weeks

I find myself gazing at Lily from time to time and thinking to myself how much I am in love with her. How my life has forever changed and how I am what I always wanted to be - a Mommy. Then I think of my own mommy. I wonder if she had the same thoughts as I do now. I wonder if she ever gazed at me, not being her first child, but her first baby girl, and thought about ways we were similar. Maybe, how the color of my hair might have been like hers when she was a baby. Or did she gaze at me, like I do Lily, and think how beautiful I was? How my eyes lit up when I got excited about something. Did my mom get a little emotional when I ran up to her legs and hugged them tight, like I do when Lily does that to me? I think about these things from time to time. I think about what it was like for my mom, being much younger than I am now, having 4 children. By the time my mother was the age I am now, 35, her oldest was already 13 and her youngest was 3.

I also think about Dan. How hard it must be for him to leave every morning to go to work. How sad it must make him when I tell him of something new Lily has experienced, without him to see it for the first time himself. Then I think of my own dad. Was it hard for him? Did he ever get sad thinking of all he was missing? My father always worked hard for us. Always having at least 2 jobs, one in the morning and the other at night. I remember how sad it made me to see him leave for work but how happy I was when he came home. I have noticed Lily missing Dan. When we wake up in the morning Dan is already gone. Lily now looks over at his side of the bed and I can imagine her thinking to herself, "Where's Daddy?" Then when he comes home she is so excited to see him. Does she think about him during the day? Did I think about my dad? Or do children have a temporary time of forgetfulness when something or someone isn't there in front of them?

I never knew what it meant to be a parent until having Lily. I never knew, or never truly knew the sacrifices my parents made for us. The emotions you have for your children are strong and deep and no one can honestly grasp what it feels like until you give life. As a kid I thought I knew it all. I thought my parents were, at times, cruel for having certain rules for us. I thought they didn't understand what I was going through and so I barely opened up to them. But I am now certain they knew. As I am certain I will know what Lily is going through. I just hope that I can keep our lines of communication open. I hope Lily doesn't become her mother in that respect. I want Lily to want to talk to me about her life, her dreams, her fears. I'm sorry for not believing I could be open in that way with my own mother. A mother does not judge her child. A mother only hopes her child will make the best choices for a long and happy life. I realize that now.

So, as this Mother's Day is approaching, I'll leave on this note:

I am the luckiest mom to have such a beautiful, happy, and healthy little girl. 

And to my own Mom, I love you and thank you for all you sacrificed and still sacrifice for us. 

15 Months, 2 Weeks

It's really amazing how fast time goes by when you have a child. Lily turned 15 months old on Sunday, the 14th. How weird is that? She's getting so big. Her most favorite thing to do is dance. She doesn't even need music to do it. She must hear a beat in her head and away she goes moving and grooving. If she doesn't do something with music or dancing when she grows up we will be surprised. I guess Dan and I will have to get her into a dance class and some type of music lessons as soon as she's old enough. Can't wait to see her on a stage in a little tutu!

Our dreams of owning our own house are quickly coming to fruition. The seller is taking care of getting a c/o for a part of the house that didn't have one and she has to tear down an old deck before closing. Dan and I wanted the deck removed anyway so that saves us time and money, which is always fantastic! She just signed the contract on Tuesday so, HOORAY! We are "In Contract!" We won't actually close until sometime in July though, but that's fine. There's more things we need to take care of before then - house appraisal, mortgage, who we will use for home insurance, title search, etc.

Took Lily to the doctor for her 15 month check-up on Wednesday, the 17th. She is now 24 lbs, 7 oz and is 30 1/4" tall. Holy moly!!! I'm always told what percentile Lily is in but I don't pay too much attention. As long as she's healthy it's fine by me. You should never compare your child with anybody else's anyway. We are all different and grow at different rates. We all have different bodies so why have the percentiles? I guess just for a baseline, but again, does it really matter? Lily is in the 46th percentile in height and 74th percentile in weight.

"Yummy spinach, pea, & pear pouch all over me!"

14 Months, 2 1/2 Weeks

Been on hiatus for a bit. Let's see… what has been going on?

On March 10th we left for Key West, Florida. Lily's first ever plane ride. I was a bit nervous about how she would fair but she did rather well with all things considered. The looks on the passengers faces as they realized a toddler was sitting near them weren't nearly as horrific as I thought they would be. Luckily for everyone on board, Lily is awesome and didn't cry or scream at all. She actually fell asleep as we were descending.

Our full week in Key West was part vacation, part wedding festivities. My brother got married to a girl who is just perfect for him. I actually officiated the ceremony. My first one. I think I did a great job considering how freakin' windy it was on the beach that day. Watch the video of the ceremony below. Dan took this video. I only wish that the sound quality is better on the actual wedding video.

Lily was the life of the party. She danced all night. The only near miss - thank the Lord - could've been disastrous event that took place was when K.C. and new bride Cici were on the dance floor doing their first dance. Lily was so happy and loved the music so much she started running towards them just as K.C. started swinging Cici around with her legs flying up behind her. I couldn't catch Lily in time to avoid the collision between Cici's feet and Lily's head. LUCKILY someone was watching over Lily at that very moment because I am almost positive Cici's feet went right through Lily's head as if she wasn't there at all. It was a miracle moment I tell ya! Cici's flying feet were maybe an inch away from kicking Lily in the head and having her soar through the air. Everyone who saw it had heart palpitations at the thought of what could've been. Dan and I almost had heart attacks.

The rest of the week in Key West was good. The weather was great. Lily road on a bicycle with Dan for the first time. That was fun. The plane ride home was just as uneventful as the plane ride there. We actually were commended on how good a baby Lily was on the plane by another passenger. That was nice.

When we got back from Florida, Dan and I gave our house hunt a major jump forward. We had seen a house in Levittown right before we went away and put an offer in on it. The seller was taking her time with a response most likely to get more money. Well, it worked. We upped our offer (but still $10,000 less than asking) and told our Buyer's agent to tell them "take it or leave it." We got accepted about an hour later! Yay!! We have a home. Well, sorta. We still are working out a few details with the contract. It seems there may not be a c/o on a section of the house. We should be getting word back soon on that. The good news is that the seller is a teacher and doesn't want to close until July. Fine by us. Our apartment lease is up on October 1st so we have time.

To say we love this house is an understatement. We adore this house. Sure it needs some work, like a brand new kitchen and flooring, and paint, but any house out there would need some kind of work. The backyard is AMAZING! It is H-U-G-E HUGE!!!!!!! The property sits on the outer curve of the block so the backyard is not only huge, it's also very private. The house is also a bit bigger than a normal Levit house with the addition of 2 rooms in the back of the house. We can't wait for everything to be settled with the contracts and we have our exact closing date.

Easter Sunday was spent with my parents and sisters for dinner. Lasagna - YUM!! I can't believe how much different this Easter was from last in the way of Lily. Just look:

I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting to say, but I think that was good enough for now.

13 Months, 2 Weeks

I will start off this week's blog by telling you Dan's genetic test results. If you don't remember why he needed to get tested, it was because my results came up with me being a carrier for two diseases: Segawa Syndrome and Smith-Lemli-Opitz Syndrome. We needed to make sure Dan was not also a carrier of one or both of these before we could start our fertility journey again. Well, it turns out Dan is not a carrier of these two diseases. Yippee!! But, he does actual have a genetic disease which he had no clue about. Dan has a rare condition called Pseudocholinesterase Deficiency. It affects less than 1 in 1,000 people and among white Americans, it affects about 1 in 3,000 people who have actually had genetic testing done.

So what is Pseudocholinesterase Deficiency? If Dan ever needs surgery where he will need anesthesia, his body will have an abnormally slow time breaking down the anesthesia. He will have a longer than normal period of breathing paralysis. Sounds scary, right? A person without this deficiency will be able to breathe on his/her own right away. Dan can take up to 3 hours to be able to breathe on his own.

How does this affect Dan? Well, it doesn't really affect him unless he needs anesthesia. He'll need to tell the doctor and the anesthesiologist about his condition.

Does this affect Lily? In a way it does. If she ever needs anesthesia, she'll also need to tell the doctor and anesthesiologist that her daddy has this condition.

That's about it on the genetic testing front. We don't have to worry about trying for baby #2 now. Yay!!

On another note, Lily must be getting more teeth. She has woken up in the middle of the night every day this week. Ugh! I try not to get too stressed over it when I'm up with her because I know it's not her fault, but sometimes I get mad because I'm so f-in tired! I send Dan back to bed because he's the one who has to get up for work around 5am. If I'm up with Lily, at least I don't actually have to go anywhere. At times, even though I don't like doing it, I'll take Lily out into the living room so Dan doesn't have to hear Lily make noise. That's the one sucky thing about not having a house - Lily shares our bedroom. We can't wait for Lily to have her own room where if she ever does wake up in the middle of the night I can keep her in her room. Soon! The house hunt continues but we never realized how slow the process is.

Lily's Dance Videos of the Week!

13 Months, 1 Week

This past week was a busy one in the whole mortgage/house hunt front. Yes, that's right, Dan and I are getting down to the seriousness of finding a home that will fit 4 people comfortably. I did say 4. Dan, myself, Lily, and Baby #2 (when that happens). We need to be in a house by the end of September since our lease is up October 1st.

Last Saturday we met with a mortgage banker to get pre-approval and get an idea of what we can afford. Then on Sunday we met a realtor at a house in Levittown to speak with him about what we are looking for. Sunday was a big eye-opener for me as I was doing some research. Not wanting to wait until the realtor called us back - whenever that would be, I decided to take it upon myself to set up an appointment to look at a house. While filling out the form on-line, it asked if we have a buyer's agent. What the heck is a buyer's agent? I had no clue, so I looked that up. It turns out that an Exclusive Buyer's Agent is someone who works exclusively for whoever is buying a home. They do not sell any homes and because of that they work super hard to get the buyer exactly what they are looking for. A regular realtor on the other hand, may only show you listings that he is dealing with because he doesn't want to share his commission with anyone else. Another difference is an Exclusive Buyer's Agent can and will show you properties in any neighborhood you wish. If you go with a regular realtor they can only show you listings in their territory - which may only be one town. At that point, you may be dealing with 2 or more realtors depending on where you want to look.

So, Dan and I met with an Exclusive Buyer's Agent (the owner of Best Buyer's Broker Realty Inc) Tuesday night and we were impressed. We really liked the way this guy handled himself and explained everything in detail. We got the impression that he would not hold anything back - after all, we would be hiring him to find us a home, not sell us one. That makes a huge difference. We signed up with him that evening.

He gets paid the same way as a regular realtor - through the sale of the house. The only difference is we need to give him a $300 retainer. If we don't like what he does for us after the second home we see, he will give that money back to us. I don't see that happening though. He already did a home search for us and gave us a bunch of listings. I emailed him last night to show us three homes we're interested in. Just waiting now to find out what day we're gonna go - probably Sunday if all works out.

If you are looking for a home, Dan and I would highly recommend an Exclusive Buyer's Agent. They will fight to get you the home you want close to or at the price you want. There's no hidden agenda like there may be with a regular realtor who would be first and foremost loyal to the seller not the buyer.

Now, here is the interesting part of our whole house search. I grew up in Levittown. I now want to move back there. Having a family really gives a home buyer a lot to think about when searching for a town to live in.

1. Safe neighborhood. Will I feel comfortable taking a walk with Lily and baby #2 in a stroller?
2. Good school district. How are the test results and how are the schools rated on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being best)? 
3. Neighbors. Who are the people you will call your neighbors? Do they take care of their home? Their yard? Are they families with children or older people? 

I guess coming from a town like Levittown spoiled me. I base all other towns by it. L-town is fantastic for families. It has a lot of parks and pools. It has really nice homes that can be left as is or built up and/or out. Nice size yards that aren't too close to your neighbors. People tend to take care of their homes and yards. I feel really safe walking the neighborhood. L-town has some of the best schools on Long Island. Both Levittown and Island Trees School Districts are rated 8 out of 10 for the best test scores according to Great Schools. 

Don't get me wrong - there are other towns around that are comparable to Levittown, but I guess I'm partial to L-town having grown up there and knowing the neighborhood really well. If you would have asked me 20 years ago if I would ever want to live in Levittown for the rest of my life, I probably would have said no. Kids can be cruel and I didn't have such a great time in middle school and high school. My best high school experiences happened at BOCES, not my regular high school with the kids I grew up with. So why would I have said yes to live there when I grew up and had a family? But now that I am older, I realize it really doesn't matter where you go to school - unfortunately some kids are cruel no matter what town you live in. I just hope that wherever Dan and I buy a home, Lily and Baby #2 don't get bullied like I did. 

Anyway. Enough about that. 

Wow, I just looked and I have no pictures of Lily for this week. Sorry. I can honestly say though that she looks the same as in last weeks pictures. So there you go.

Some videos from the beginning of the month:

1 Year 1 Month

Dan and I have started the process of trying for baby Gorman #2. Because of my PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) Dan and I have to go through the whole fertility process again. That means IUI's (intrauterine inseminations) for however many months until we get those sweet words, "You're pregnant!" As for now though, before we can start that time consuming bit of our (but really mine) lives, I had some genetic testing done. This is something my fertility doctor is doing with all of his patients now. I was not tested 2 years ago when we started this process to get pregnant with Lily. 

Well, it turns out that I am the carrier of 2 rare genetic diseases. Of course, what else is new? It has to be rare if it's for me! Anyway, the 2 diseases are: Segawa Syndrome and Smith-Lemli-Opitz Syndrome. Both are not so good. You definitely do not want to have a child with these diseases. Because I am a carrier I am not affected by these diseases I just carry the gene for them (thanks Mom or Dad - they are inherited genes). This means that if Dan happens to be a carrier of one or both of them there is a 1 in 4 chance of passing the actual disease onto our baby. Fantastic! NOT!!! 

Smith-Lemli-Optz Syndrome has an autosomal recessive pattern of inheritance (1 in 4 children can potentially get the disease). I'm not sure about Segawa Syndrome but I think I remember my doctor said they both were.

So now Dan needs to be tested for them as well. He did a spit test last night (Thursday) and I'm mailing it off today. Yes, a spit test. I almost threw up at the sound of him spitting into this tube. It was gross but needed to be done. There is a 2 week wait now to get his results. In the meantime, we cannot start our IUI process until we know his outcome. 

There are 2 outcomes here (duh). The first is that he is not a carrier of the diseases. Great! No problem, we can start for baby #2 without giving it a second thought. The second outcome, he is a carrier of one or both of them. Shit! This means that we can still try for baby #2 but it will be a different process now. 50% of my eggs are also carriers of these diseases. Fortunately my doctor will be able to tell which ones are by testing them. Once he finds the ones that have the genetic marker for the disease(s), he will separate them and remove them before inseminating me. Sounds high tech and hopefully if that is what we need to do it will be covered under our insurance. BUT, with luck this will not be something we have to do. Dan hopefully is not a carrier of any of these 2 diseases. Fingers crossed!!!

This does not only affect me now, but possibly my brother and 2 sisters. Because I'm a carrier it's possible that they are too. My doctor strongly advised me to let them know to get tested before trying to have a baby. The genetic testing is really expensive - $5,000 without insurance! Yes, that is 3 zeros. If you do have insurance it would be no more than $100 if anything. Crazy! I sent an email to my sibs last night to let them know. 

How does this affect Lily? Well, as of right now, I don't see anything to be concerned about. She doesn't show any signs of the diseases and hopefully Dan's results come back negative  and we can really have a sigh of relief. This does however affect her when she wants to have a baby. She is eventually going to need to have this genetic testing done to see if she inherited the carrier genes. UGH!

Anyway. That's what's going on this week. 

On a lighter note, Lily is now going up to me and Dan and giving us hugs. Only our legs though. Hopefully she works her way up into our arms soon. That will be an awesome moment! 

We have been doing a nightly routine now right before we put Lily down for the night. I change her diaper, with Dan's help. Then I pick Lily up and we have a group hug. Lily LOVES that part!! Then Dan and I kiss to show Lily how to (just a peck on the lips guys - rated G only!!) and then she goes in to kiss Dan then me. We tell her we love her and into bed she goes. I hope that lasts forever. Even when she's 20!

 

Lily's first big snow storm experience - NEMO!!

 Lily's first snow angel!

1 Year / 3 Weeks

Sorry for the 3 week hiatus. I really gotta stop doing that 'cause I forget all that's happened. Umm. OK, well let's see…

Lily is walking - wait, no, she's running all over the place. She thinks "No" is a game that is played whenever she goes to touch the living room lamp, or anything she's not supposed to touch. She actually laughed when I smacked her hand. Yeah, laughed at that and for a moment I thought she wanted me to smack her again. This is going to be fun times, I can see it now!

Lily has been on antibiotics now for a week and an ointment for an abscess she has on her right ankle. How did she get this abscess you ask? I'm asking myself the same question. Who knows? It could be from anything - a bug bite or a scratch that got infected. Luckily (or not so luckily) I know what an abscess looks like, having had 6 myself last year, and brought Lily to the doctor right away. Dan and I are very thankful she didn't need to get it lanced and drained. That would've been painful for Lily and would've left a scar.

I cut my hair into a pixie cut once more. Dan thinks I look soooo much better with the short hair, as do I, but Lily thinks I look funny. She must because I swear to you, she pointed at my hair and laughed. Yes, actually pointed and laughed at me. I might have been upset by this if I didn't think it was astonishingly funny of her to do so. We will have to teach her as she gets older that it is not OK to point and laugh at people. For right now though, it's cute.

This snow storm they have predicted is turning out to be a bust. I was watching the weather station last night and the weatherman actually said that there was absolutely no way this storm won't happen and we will get up to 16" of snow. Uh, well as I look out my window all I can see is some light rain. Stupid weathermen. Maybe the snow will come later tonight as they are now predicting. Whatever. Nemo is a cartoon fish, not a snowstorm. Get it right people!!