My Due Date Has Finally Arrived!

So, yes… my due date is today, February 3rd. My due date. Yet, three weeks ago tomorrow, Lily decided to make that her due date. I am so thankful that she did. I can't imagine how big she would have been if she didn't come three weeks early and how much more difficult that would have been to give birth to her naturally.

I miss being pregnant. I miss having Lily inside of me. I have had almost three wonderful weeks with her in my arms, but at times I am sad that we don't share the same body anymore. Sad that I can't feel her move at her every waking hour. I wasn't prepared to give that up three weeks early. I wasn't prepared to hold her in my arms so soon.

I love my daughter more than anyone I have ever loved or will love in this world. I am truly grateful for all the help we received from Gold Coast IVF so that Dan and I could have the chance to have a healthy pregnancy. Lily would not be here if not for them. Dan and I are blessed to have had this third chance at parenthood.

Being a mom has not quite sunk in yet. It might be due to the fact that I have only gone out with Lily when she or I have had a doctors appointment - so a total of three times. Just being at home with her when all she does is eat, poop, and sleep doesn't make me feel like a mother. Well, actually that's not entirely true. I feel like a mother when I can sense what she wants and needs. I am learning what her different cries and sounds mean. A mother always knows how their child feels. I get that now.

Always in a dance pose!

It's tiring to be a Stay at Home Mom. It is not an easy job. Sure, I'll have two or three hour brakes in between feedings and diaper changes but it's a constant redundant thing over and over and over again. It makes the days and weeks feel like a blur. I am so thankful for Dan. He is the best husband and father. He's trying so hard to understand what I go through in a day and is always concerned about how I am feeling. He takes over at night when he comes home from work. He also takes over on the weekends so that I can try to get a full night's sleep. I'm sure all of this will become somewhat easier as the weeks and months go on. We will get a pattern down and Lily will sleep longer hours which will give me more time to sleep, do dishes, clean, etc, etc, etc. For now though, I am stuck in this blur trying to remember when I fed Lily last and wondering if I'll have enough time to clean, take a nap, or even go to the bathroom before she needs me again to feed or change her.