Another Long Journey

This post is about our hopes to having baby #2 and the process by which we have had to endure to try and make it happen. It's a long post and I apologize.

(IF YOU DO READ THE WHOLE POST PLEASE LEAVE US A COMMENT! Your thoughts are always appreciated.)
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Try #1

On March 27th I started my cycle. By cycle I mean that annoying monthly visiter every girl dreads appearing due to the cramping, binge eating, crying, anger, and what ever other emotions and actions we may have just before, during, and just after. So there I am, with my monthly visiter on day one, calling up my fertility specialist to make an appointment for day 3 to get blood work and an ultrasound. Hooray! We get to start the process for baby #2.

Day 3 (3/29) rolls around and I go and get blood drawn and an intrauterine ultrasound done early in the morning. Gotta make sure everything looks A-OK before I can start my cycle of meds before the IUI (intrauterine insemination). That afternoon I get the go ahead to start taking Femara, also known as Letrozole, which is a drug used to stimulate ovulation in women with PCOS (polycystic Ovary Syndrome). It helps stimulate extra follicles and eggs. This has helped me before with getting pregnant with Lily. I have to take this medication for 5 days.

Day 10 (4/5) came and off to the doctor again. This time I have to get more blood drawn and another intrauterine ultrasound. They are now checking to see if the Femara helped stimulate my egg growth. It did! I had 1 good follicle on my right side and 2 on my left. By "good" I mean big. Ones that seem to be growing well. You need at least 1 follicle that is between a range of 18mm and 22mm to trigger ovulation for the IUI's. This means that if you do become pregnant, the egg will be mature (large) enough to sustain the pregnancy. This is where I have trouble on my own. My follicles don't mature enough to sustain a pregnancy, hence my 2 prior miscarriages before having Lily. Yay for modern day medicine to help me out with that! By day 10, I already had one follicle that was 21mm, another that was 18mm, and the 3rd was 15mm!

Day 13 (4/8) I went to the doctor again. My intrauterine ultrasound showed that the follicle that was 15mm had stopped growing. No big deal, I still had two more large ones and they grew even bigger since my last visit. That afternoon I got the thumbs up to take my ovulation trigger shot, Ovidrel, on day 14 (4/9).

Day 15 (4/10) IUI day #1! Alright. Here we go. Dan and I had Lily spend the night at Dan's parent's house so we wouldn't have to worry about her today. In the morning we did our thing and off to the doctor's office we went! We had super high hopes in making this IUI process work on the first shot. Evereything went well on IUI Day #1 and now for IUI Day #2.

Day 16 (4/11) IUI Day #2. As much as we missed Lily the previous night, we had her stay with my parent's this time so we could have uninterrupted IUI business. Same as the previous day, all good with a hopeful IUI outcome. Now we wait 2 weeks for a blood test to see if I'm pregnant.

Day 17 (4/12) start taking progesterone (Crinone) once a day for these 2 weeks. It will help implantation if I do become pregnant. If I do get that positive result in 2 weeks, I will be taking this medication for the whole first trimester.

2 week wait is finally over (4/25)! I went in the morning to get my blood drawn. The results are in.
NOT PREGNANT. Damn! Now we start all over again. It took 4 IUI's before getting a positive with Lily. Let's hope it only takes 2 this time.

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Try #2

On April 27th I started my cycle (day 1) and this whole process starts all over again. Just a side note: my cycle started on April 28, 2011 when the IUI worked with Lily. Could this be a coincidence? Could it be fate? If we do get pregnant this time around baby #2 will have the same due date as Lily (although Lily came 3 weeks early).

Day 3 (4/29) I go to the fertility doctor for blood work and an intrauterine ultrasound. Everything checks out and I can start taking my medication (Femara) for 5 days.

Day 10 (5/6) time to get more blood work and another intrauterine ultrasound. Looking good in there with a nice, thick lining (on the uterine wall) and it looks like I have 2 follicles that are growing on my right ovary. They aren't as big as they were last month on day 10 but they are still good. Keeping my hopes high that this time will work!

Day 12 (5/8) off to the doctor's office for yet another intrauterine ultrasound and blood work. This whole process sucks but is definitely worth it in the end.

Day 13 (5/9) oh boy! Another morning at the doctors. Blood drawn and intrauterine ultrasound complete. My results show I am ready to take the Ovidrel trigger shot to start ovulation! Dropped Lily off at my parent's house for a sleep over.

Day 14 (5/10) IUI Day #1. 80,000,000 sperm, 85% mobile, 2 mature eggs. Wow! Those are some good odds!!! Dropped Lily off at Dan's parent's house for a sleep over.

Day 15 (5/11) IUI Day #2. Praying to fertility Gods and Goddesses around the globe that this works! Now we wait 2 weeks for blood work to see if it did.

Day 16 (5/12) start taking progesterone (Crinone) once a day.

2 week wait is over (5/24)! Blood drawn in the morning. The results are in.
NOT PREGNANT. Shit. Hopefully 3rd time's a charm with this one. Now to start all over again. UGH!!!

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Try #3

On May 27th I started my cycle (Day 1). I'm so disappointed we have to go through this whole process again. The only thing that keeps me doing it is that end result - a baby. Let's all keep our fingers crossed it works this time around.

Day 3 (5/29) Blood work and an intrauterine ultrasound. Everything checked out and I start my medication (Femara) for the next 5 days.

Day 10 (6/5) Blood work and an intrauterine ultrasound. I have only one good follicle this time around on my left ovary. One is OK. You only need one to get pregnant!

Day 12 (6/7) More blood work and another intrauterine ultrasound. It's never ending. Things are moving along slowly this cycle but still is OK.

Day 15 (6/10) Can you guess what I had done? That's right! Blood work and an intrauterine ultrasound. Things looking good and I got the all clear to take the Ovidrel trigger shot tomorrow (6/11) night to start ovulation.

Day 17 (6/12) IUI Day #1. Please work!
Day 18 (6/13) IUI Day #2. PLEASE WORK!!!

Day 19 (6/14) Start taking progesterone (Crinone) once a day.

2 week wait is over (6/27)! Blood drawn. Results are in.
NOT PREGNANT. Ugh. Now our doctor wants to sit down with us to go over our options. This sucks!

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Try #4

On June 30th I started my cycle.

Day 3 (7/2) Waited until Dan got home from work to go to the doctor. Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound done. Talked with our doctor about our treatment options. Was told that even though the IUI's worked in the past (for Lily) doesn't mean they will work now. I'm older and things may just be harder for me now. I have two options:

1. Another IUI but this time instead of taking Femara on days 3 to 7, I will be doing injectables starting on day 4 through to the ovulation trigger shot. 
2. Instead of IUI, I can do an IVF. That's where they take the egg out and inject the sperm directly into it, then put it back inside me. I would do injectable with that too but not until around day 21. 

Day 4 (7/3) Decision day. It seems our insurance has been taking very minimally from our $15000 lifetime allowance for infertility treatments. This is great news because an IVF cycle is about $15000 in itself. So we have decided to do just one more IUI cycle but this time with the injectables which I will be starting tonight. If it doesn't work this time around, we will then do the IVF.

Day 5 (7/4) Injectable day 2.

Day 6 (7/5) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 3.
Day 9 (7/8) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 6.
Day 12 (7/11) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 9.

Day 13 (7/12) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 10. Finally get to take the Ovidrel trigger shot tomorrow (7/13) night to start ovulation. I have 3 good follicles which means 3 eggs should release and we have 3 chances to get pregnant. PLEASE WORK!!!!!

Day 15 (7/14) IUI Day #1. Lily is 18 months old today. PLEASE let that be good luck!
Day 16 (7/15) IUI Day #2.

Day 17 (7/16) Start taking progesterone (Crinone) once a day.

2 week wait is over (7/29)! Blood drawn. Results are in.
NOT PREGNANT. So disappointing. Because this was our first try on the injectables, we decided to do one more cycle with them.

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Try #5

On July 30th I started my cycle.

Day 3 (8/3) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 1. This time I'm on a higher dose.

Day 7 (8/5) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 5.

Day 10 (8/8) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Injectable day 8. Wow! The higher dose of injectables seems to be doing the job. Maybe too well. I have 15 growing follicles on my left side and
10 on my right. This was in the back of everyone's minds that might happen since I have a lot of follicles in the first place (they just don't seem to grow on their own). This time when I take my injectables I will take them at a lower dosage to try to slow things down a bit.

Day 11 (8/9) Blood work and intrauterine ultrasound. Well, the lower dosage of injectables worked and the follicles carrying growing eggs seems to have slowed down the growth a bit. The good news is that I would be the perfect candidate now for an IVF cycle since at least 7 eggs would be released when I ovulate. The bad news is that I can't do the IUI cycle we wanted this time around because at least 7 eggs would be released when I ovulate. My chances of having multiple births is too great. By multiple, I mean quadruplets! Yikes!!

What this means for us: We will now stop trying for baby #2 this year. An IVF cycle costs $15,000 plus the cost of meds. We have a little less than $14,000 left in our medical insurance to cover it but spending $2,000 or more right now out of pocket is not an option for us. We have our new house to get settled before we can spend any money on anything else.

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5 months of trying. 5 months of medication. 5 months of poking and prodding. 5 months of hope & 5 months of disappointment. 

When you are younger you never think that getting pregnant would be so hard. I will be 36 this year and you always hear that once you hit and pass 35 years of age, it gets even harder. Dan and I are so blessed to have had this process work for us 2 years ago. We have Lily and she truly is our rainbow baby - the beautiful light after our 2 heartaches. If she is to be our only child we are truly fortunate. 

We will try again so Lily may have a brother or sister. We will go through this process again, as long and painful as it may be. We will not give up hope of having another baby. In the next 4 months we will concentrate on our new house and doing everything we can on making it a great home for our family. Then, in January, we will try again. 

Thank you for reading through this blog post. I know it was long and there was no happy ending, but Dan and I feel that if this is the end, we already have our happy ending - we have each other, Lily, and a new home. 

18 Months, 2 Weeks

Lily eating tree bark. Yuck!

Well, Lily is a year and a half. She had her 18 month checkup and she now weighs in at 25lbs 10oz and 32" tall! Overall she is in the 76th percentile. A few things that were discussed:

1. Lily's soft spot is all closed up! She now has a hard head for bumping on things - which she seems to do often.
2. Lily might be allergic to bug bites. She sometimes gets infections/abscesses on her legs from mosquito bites. Gotta be watchful and the doctor says to put her in long pants whenever she's playing outside where there may be bugs. Umm? Long pants in the summertime? Maybe on a day like yesterday and today, but when it's in the 90's it'll be way too hot for that. I'll stick with the Bullfrog Mosquito Coast bug spray and sunblock in one that I got her. Seems to work.
3. Lily has been walking on her tip toes often. Nothing to be too concerned about.
4. What we are a little concerned about though is that Lily is only saying 3 words: Mama, Da, and Dance. She should be saying up to 10 words by now. The doctor thinks we should bring Lily to see a speech pathologist. I declined, for now. Lily is so smart in other areas and she knows exactly what we say and what things are - she just doesn't say the words. Dan and I are working harder now to make sure she starts speaking. If, by the time Lily is 21 months, she does not say at least 12 words, then it's time to see a specialist. She'll still be a little behind but every kid goes at their own pace. I'm not too worried right now.

Great news! 

We closed on our house on the 18th! FINALLY!!!!!!!! We have lots of work to do before we will actually move in though - which will be October 1st.

Our jungle house! Can't wait to do the landscaping :)

1. We will be ripping up and replacing all the flooring.
2. We will be ripping out and redoing the kitchen.
3. We will be taking down the knotty-pine paneling and putting up new sheetrock. Although we like it, it makes the rooms dark.
4. We will be painting all the walls.
5. We will most likely be putting up new sheetrock in the bathroom since there is wallpaper on the walls that may not come off easily.
6. We have to replace all the windows (probably).

I think that's it for now. Once we get in we DEFINITELY have to take out all of the plant life in the front yard. It's a jungle (just look at the pic)! The neighbor's should be happy about that!

17 Months, 3 Weeks

So hard to get Lily to stop moving for this pic.

Dan turned 38 last Saturday (6/29). We celebrated by going to look at cabinetry for our kitchen. We'll be closing by the end of the month so we need to start having things picked out. We also went to the appliance store and picked out what appliances we'll be getting. After that we took Lily to the pool. She had a blast! She splashed around, made some friends (personable just like her daddy), and scared the lifeguard a few times. Finished it off with some meatballs and spaghetti (thanks Mom) and an ice cream cake (thanks Dad). It was a good day.

Lily's 2nd 4th of July and still did not see any fireworks. We were all in bed by the time they were going off. I guess that's what happens sometimes when you have a toddler. Even though Dan and I could here the fireworks as if they were right there in the bedroom with us (even with the a/c on), Lily slept right through them. We are very lucky that loud noises don't bother her.

Watch some videos of the week: Go to our YouTube page HERE.

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On a sad note, I would like to take this time to offer our sincere condolences to the family of one of Dan's best friends who passed away on Tuesday. Dan became friends with John in high school and stayed very close ever since. John had fought Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) courageously since being diagnosed on September 23, 2011. He leaves behind a very strong wife, Natalie, their 3 year old boy, Alexander, their 20 month old boy, Christian, and his mother and father. 

Please help to find a cure by donating if you can. Go to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and donate in memory of John V. Sopack.

John,
We will continue to fight this fight for you. We will always remember your strength and use it to guide us through life.

We love you and miss you,
The Gormans

1991 - The beginning of a lifelong friendship

1999 - Trip to Cancun

2007 - John's Bachelor Party

17 Months, 2 Weeks

Wow. Has it really been over a month since my last post? Sorry I've been slackin.

Well, here's what's been going on. Lily hasn't really been saying any words yet. She says "Momomom" and I assume she means me but she doesn't call me "Mom" directly. She also says "Da" but again, not really directed at Dan. So, with all the gibberish she does say, the one word that she definitely says and knows what it means and says it on cue is… "Dance." She learned it from Yo Gabba Gabba - her favorite show.


Enjoy some videos from this past month:

Listen carefully. Lily says "Dance" when the song says it!

Lily dances awesomely!

I love that Lily loves to dance!

Lily loves all of her Yo Gabba Gabba friends!

Lily piles up the pillows to get comfy!

And remember you can watch more videos on our YouTube Channel by clicking HERE.

16 Months

Lily is now 16 months old. She has grown so much, even from just a few months ago. She talks like crazy. Literally, like crazy! We don't understand a word she says but she does and I guess that's all that matters. Her favorite thing to do now is shake her head "no." It's always "no" at first. I don't mind though because that only means she is now deciding what she wants and doesn't want. That's a good thing - she's making choices.

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Ok. I'm gonna be totally real here for a second and talk about how I've been feeling for a while now. I don't mean this to be rude in any way. This is just how I feel and if I am wrong or anyone has anything to say about what I am about to write down here, then by all means let me know…

You hear it all the time: 

• A friend gets a boyfriend so "I guess we're not seeing her anymore."
• A friend gets married so "I guess we're not seeing her anymore."
• A friend has a baby so "I guess we're not seeing her anymore."

I would just like to put it out there: Why aren't you seeing her anymore?

Is it because she really is ignoring you? Is it because she wants to spend every waking hour with her significant other or baby? Ok, sometimes, yes, that is the case. BUT, when, let's just say for argument's sake, your friend, who happens to be married with a baby, tries to hang out, even suggests days to do it a few weeks or even a month beforehand, and you don't even give that friend a reply until a couple of days before one of those days is about to occur and your answer is "no." Then you have the audacity to always email or text her - never an actual phone call - that you miss her and "we have to get together soon." What the hell is that about? Your friend with the husband and baby has done all but BEG you for a girls night or day, doesn't matter which because she is a Stay-At-Home-Mom and is ALWAYS free (for the most part), which she has told you time and time again to no avail because it's always "Oh I miss you. We need to get together. Let me know when you're free." Uh, DUH!!! I have said over and over again, "I am free all the time. You're the one who works, you tell me when you're free."

I can go on here but let me just end it with this. I am tired. I am tired of my so called friends who have dropped me because I got married. I am tired of my so called friends who have dropped me because I had a baby. I am tired of trying to make plans when those so called friends always either say "no," or cancel at the last minute. I am tired of reading emails and texts that say "I miss you. We need to see each other soon." I am tired of calling someone a friend who, in all honesty, really isn't anymore.

I hate that my life, the one I am so happily involved in, has made it impossible for me to keep the "friends" that I thought I had. A true friend would find the time. A true friend wouldn't always say, "I miss you" and then do nothing to remedy that. A true friend, no matter how busy life is, would make it a point to keep in touch, if not by hanging out, by a simple phone call or an actual email that we can go back and forth with that involves what's been going on in our lives. A true friend would NEVER ignore a desperate plea to have a girls night/day because a true friend would be concerned about why it was a "desperate plea" to begin with.

Am I done with my so called friends? I don't know. All I know is I was never the one who cancelled plans or said no to a day out. I was the one who suggested days and took the calls, texts, emails that said "no" to hanging out and "sorry but I have to cancel our plans."

For those friends who have actually been keeping in touch, I thank you.

If I get a response out of this then I will know who my real friends are. I will know that my friends actually read this blog. After all, it is a blog about what's going on in my life and you would think that a person who "really misses" me would be reading it.

Sorry. I think I'm finished discussing this topic. 

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On a lighter note, in our Tuesday's Mommy and Me class, Lily went up to almost every kid to steal their name stickers to put on her own shirt. She had 6 stickers by the middle of class!

15 Months, 3 1/2 Weeks

I find myself gazing at Lily from time to time and thinking to myself how much I am in love with her. How my life has forever changed and how I am what I always wanted to be - a Mommy. Then I think of my own mommy. I wonder if she had the same thoughts as I do now. I wonder if she ever gazed at me, not being her first child, but her first baby girl, and thought about ways we were similar. Maybe, how the color of my hair might have been like hers when she was a baby. Or did she gaze at me, like I do Lily, and think how beautiful I was? How my eyes lit up when I got excited about something. Did my mom get a little emotional when I ran up to her legs and hugged them tight, like I do when Lily does that to me? I think about these things from time to time. I think about what it was like for my mom, being much younger than I am now, having 4 children. By the time my mother was the age I am now, 35, her oldest was already 13 and her youngest was 3.

I also think about Dan. How hard it must be for him to leave every morning to go to work. How sad it must make him when I tell him of something new Lily has experienced, without him to see it for the first time himself. Then I think of my own dad. Was it hard for him? Did he ever get sad thinking of all he was missing? My father always worked hard for us. Always having at least 2 jobs, one in the morning and the other at night. I remember how sad it made me to see him leave for work but how happy I was when he came home. I have noticed Lily missing Dan. When we wake up in the morning Dan is already gone. Lily now looks over at his side of the bed and I can imagine her thinking to herself, "Where's Daddy?" Then when he comes home she is so excited to see him. Does she think about him during the day? Did I think about my dad? Or do children have a temporary time of forgetfulness when something or someone isn't there in front of them?

I never knew what it meant to be a parent until having Lily. I never knew, or never truly knew the sacrifices my parents made for us. The emotions you have for your children are strong and deep and no one can honestly grasp what it feels like until you give life. As a kid I thought I knew it all. I thought my parents were, at times, cruel for having certain rules for us. I thought they didn't understand what I was going through and so I barely opened up to them. But I am now certain they knew. As I am certain I will know what Lily is going through. I just hope that I can keep our lines of communication open. I hope Lily doesn't become her mother in that respect. I want Lily to want to talk to me about her life, her dreams, her fears. I'm sorry for not believing I could be open in that way with my own mother. A mother does not judge her child. A mother only hopes her child will make the best choices for a long and happy life. I realize that now.

So, as this Mother's Day is approaching, I'll leave on this note:

I am the luckiest mom to have such a beautiful, happy, and healthy little girl. 

And to my own Mom, I love you and thank you for all you sacrificed and still sacrifice for us. 

15 Months, 2 Weeks

It's really amazing how fast time goes by when you have a child. Lily turned 15 months old on Sunday, the 14th. How weird is that? She's getting so big. Her most favorite thing to do is dance. She doesn't even need music to do it. She must hear a beat in her head and away she goes moving and grooving. If she doesn't do something with music or dancing when she grows up we will be surprised. I guess Dan and I will have to get her into a dance class and some type of music lessons as soon as she's old enough. Can't wait to see her on a stage in a little tutu!

Our dreams of owning our own house are quickly coming to fruition. The seller is taking care of getting a c/o for a part of the house that didn't have one and she has to tear down an old deck before closing. Dan and I wanted the deck removed anyway so that saves us time and money, which is always fantastic! She just signed the contract on Tuesday so, HOORAY! We are "In Contract!" We won't actually close until sometime in July though, but that's fine. There's more things we need to take care of before then - house appraisal, mortgage, who we will use for home insurance, title search, etc.

Took Lily to the doctor for her 15 month check-up on Wednesday, the 17th. She is now 24 lbs, 7 oz and is 30 1/4" tall. Holy moly!!! I'm always told what percentile Lily is in but I don't pay too much attention. As long as she's healthy it's fine by me. You should never compare your child with anybody else's anyway. We are all different and grow at different rates. We all have different bodies so why have the percentiles? I guess just for a baseline, but again, does it really matter? Lily is in the 46th percentile in height and 74th percentile in weight.

"Yummy spinach, pea, & pear pouch all over me!"

14 Months, 2 1/2 Weeks

Been on hiatus for a bit. Let's see… what has been going on?

On March 10th we left for Key West, Florida. Lily's first ever plane ride. I was a bit nervous about how she would fair but she did rather well with all things considered. The looks on the passengers faces as they realized a toddler was sitting near them weren't nearly as horrific as I thought they would be. Luckily for everyone on board, Lily is awesome and didn't cry or scream at all. She actually fell asleep as we were descending.

Our full week in Key West was part vacation, part wedding festivities. My brother got married to a girl who is just perfect for him. I actually officiated the ceremony. My first one. I think I did a great job considering how freakin' windy it was on the beach that day. Watch the video of the ceremony below. Dan took this video. I only wish that the sound quality is better on the actual wedding video.

Lily was the life of the party. She danced all night. The only near miss - thank the Lord - could've been disastrous event that took place was when K.C. and new bride Cici were on the dance floor doing their first dance. Lily was so happy and loved the music so much she started running towards them just as K.C. started swinging Cici around with her legs flying up behind her. I couldn't catch Lily in time to avoid the collision between Cici's feet and Lily's head. LUCKILY someone was watching over Lily at that very moment because I am almost positive Cici's feet went right through Lily's head as if she wasn't there at all. It was a miracle moment I tell ya! Cici's flying feet were maybe an inch away from kicking Lily in the head and having her soar through the air. Everyone who saw it had heart palpitations at the thought of what could've been. Dan and I almost had heart attacks.

The rest of the week in Key West was good. The weather was great. Lily road on a bicycle with Dan for the first time. That was fun. The plane ride home was just as uneventful as the plane ride there. We actually were commended on how good a baby Lily was on the plane by another passenger. That was nice.

When we got back from Florida, Dan and I gave our house hunt a major jump forward. We had seen a house in Levittown right before we went away and put an offer in on it. The seller was taking her time with a response most likely to get more money. Well, it worked. We upped our offer (but still $10,000 less than asking) and told our Buyer's agent to tell them "take it or leave it." We got accepted about an hour later! Yay!! We have a home. Well, sorta. We still are working out a few details with the contract. It seems there may not be a c/o on a section of the house. We should be getting word back soon on that. The good news is that the seller is a teacher and doesn't want to close until July. Fine by us. Our apartment lease is up on October 1st so we have time.

To say we love this house is an understatement. We adore this house. Sure it needs some work, like a brand new kitchen and flooring, and paint, but any house out there would need some kind of work. The backyard is AMAZING! It is H-U-G-E HUGE!!!!!!! The property sits on the outer curve of the block so the backyard is not only huge, it's also very private. The house is also a bit bigger than a normal Levit house with the addition of 2 rooms in the back of the house. We can't wait for everything to be settled with the contracts and we have our exact closing date.

Easter Sunday was spent with my parents and sisters for dinner. Lasagna - YUM!! I can't believe how much different this Easter was from last in the way of Lily. Just look:

I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting to say, but I think that was good enough for now.

13 Months, 2 Weeks

I will start off this week's blog by telling you Dan's genetic test results. If you don't remember why he needed to get tested, it was because my results came up with me being a carrier for two diseases: Segawa Syndrome and Smith-Lemli-Opitz Syndrome. We needed to make sure Dan was not also a carrier of one or both of these before we could start our fertility journey again. Well, it turns out Dan is not a carrier of these two diseases. Yippee!! But, he does actual have a genetic disease which he had no clue about. Dan has a rare condition called Pseudocholinesterase Deficiency. It affects less than 1 in 1,000 people and among white Americans, it affects about 1 in 3,000 people who have actually had genetic testing done.

So what is Pseudocholinesterase Deficiency? If Dan ever needs surgery where he will need anesthesia, his body will have an abnormally slow time breaking down the anesthesia. He will have a longer than normal period of breathing paralysis. Sounds scary, right? A person without this deficiency will be able to breathe on his/her own right away. Dan can take up to 3 hours to be able to breathe on his own.

How does this affect Dan? Well, it doesn't really affect him unless he needs anesthesia. He'll need to tell the doctor and the anesthesiologist about his condition.

Does this affect Lily? In a way it does. If she ever needs anesthesia, she'll also need to tell the doctor and anesthesiologist that her daddy has this condition.

That's about it on the genetic testing front. We don't have to worry about trying for baby #2 now. Yay!!

On another note, Lily must be getting more teeth. She has woken up in the middle of the night every day this week. Ugh! I try not to get too stressed over it when I'm up with her because I know it's not her fault, but sometimes I get mad because I'm so f-in tired! I send Dan back to bed because he's the one who has to get up for work around 5am. If I'm up with Lily, at least I don't actually have to go anywhere. At times, even though I don't like doing it, I'll take Lily out into the living room so Dan doesn't have to hear Lily make noise. That's the one sucky thing about not having a house - Lily shares our bedroom. We can't wait for Lily to have her own room where if she ever does wake up in the middle of the night I can keep her in her room. Soon! The house hunt continues but we never realized how slow the process is.

Lily's Dance Videos of the Week!

13 Months, 1 Week

This past week was a busy one in the whole mortgage/house hunt front. Yes, that's right, Dan and I are getting down to the seriousness of finding a home that will fit 4 people comfortably. I did say 4. Dan, myself, Lily, and Baby #2 (when that happens). We need to be in a house by the end of September since our lease is up October 1st.

Last Saturday we met with a mortgage banker to get pre-approval and get an idea of what we can afford. Then on Sunday we met a realtor at a house in Levittown to speak with him about what we are looking for. Sunday was a big eye-opener for me as I was doing some research. Not wanting to wait until the realtor called us back - whenever that would be, I decided to take it upon myself to set up an appointment to look at a house. While filling out the form on-line, it asked if we have a buyer's agent. What the heck is a buyer's agent? I had no clue, so I looked that up. It turns out that an Exclusive Buyer's Agent is someone who works exclusively for whoever is buying a home. They do not sell any homes and because of that they work super hard to get the buyer exactly what they are looking for. A regular realtor on the other hand, may only show you listings that he is dealing with because he doesn't want to share his commission with anyone else. Another difference is an Exclusive Buyer's Agent can and will show you properties in any neighborhood you wish. If you go with a regular realtor they can only show you listings in their territory - which may only be one town. At that point, you may be dealing with 2 or more realtors depending on where you want to look.

So, Dan and I met with an Exclusive Buyer's Agent (the owner of Best Buyer's Broker Realty Inc) Tuesday night and we were impressed. We really liked the way this guy handled himself and explained everything in detail. We got the impression that he would not hold anything back - after all, we would be hiring him to find us a home, not sell us one. That makes a huge difference. We signed up with him that evening.

He gets paid the same way as a regular realtor - through the sale of the house. The only difference is we need to give him a $300 retainer. If we don't like what he does for us after the second home we see, he will give that money back to us. I don't see that happening though. He already did a home search for us and gave us a bunch of listings. I emailed him last night to show us three homes we're interested in. Just waiting now to find out what day we're gonna go - probably Sunday if all works out.

If you are looking for a home, Dan and I would highly recommend an Exclusive Buyer's Agent. They will fight to get you the home you want close to or at the price you want. There's no hidden agenda like there may be with a regular realtor who would be first and foremost loyal to the seller not the buyer.

Now, here is the interesting part of our whole house search. I grew up in Levittown. I now want to move back there. Having a family really gives a home buyer a lot to think about when searching for a town to live in.

1. Safe neighborhood. Will I feel comfortable taking a walk with Lily and baby #2 in a stroller?
2. Good school district. How are the test results and how are the schools rated on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being best)? 
3. Neighbors. Who are the people you will call your neighbors? Do they take care of their home? Their yard? Are they families with children or older people? 

I guess coming from a town like Levittown spoiled me. I base all other towns by it. L-town is fantastic for families. It has a lot of parks and pools. It has really nice homes that can be left as is or built up and/or out. Nice size yards that aren't too close to your neighbors. People tend to take care of their homes and yards. I feel really safe walking the neighborhood. L-town has some of the best schools on Long Island. Both Levittown and Island Trees School Districts are rated 8 out of 10 for the best test scores according to Great Schools. 

Don't get me wrong - there are other towns around that are comparable to Levittown, but I guess I'm partial to L-town having grown up there and knowing the neighborhood really well. If you would have asked me 20 years ago if I would ever want to live in Levittown for the rest of my life, I probably would have said no. Kids can be cruel and I didn't have such a great time in middle school and high school. My best high school experiences happened at BOCES, not my regular high school with the kids I grew up with. So why would I have said yes to live there when I grew up and had a family? But now that I am older, I realize it really doesn't matter where you go to school - unfortunately some kids are cruel no matter what town you live in. I just hope that wherever Dan and I buy a home, Lily and Baby #2 don't get bullied like I did. 

Anyway. Enough about that. 

Wow, I just looked and I have no pictures of Lily for this week. Sorry. I can honestly say though that she looks the same as in last weeks pictures. So there you go.

Some videos from the beginning of the month:

1 Year 1 Month

Dan and I have started the process of trying for baby Gorman #2. Because of my PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) Dan and I have to go through the whole fertility process again. That means IUI's (intrauterine inseminations) for however many months until we get those sweet words, "You're pregnant!" As for now though, before we can start that time consuming bit of our (but really mine) lives, I had some genetic testing done. This is something my fertility doctor is doing with all of his patients now. I was not tested 2 years ago when we started this process to get pregnant with Lily. 

Well, it turns out that I am the carrier of 2 rare genetic diseases. Of course, what else is new? It has to be rare if it's for me! Anyway, the 2 diseases are: Segawa Syndrome and Smith-Lemli-Opitz Syndrome. Both are not so good. You definitely do not want to have a child with these diseases. Because I am a carrier I am not affected by these diseases I just carry the gene for them (thanks Mom or Dad - they are inherited genes). This means that if Dan happens to be a carrier of one or both of them there is a 1 in 4 chance of passing the actual disease onto our baby. Fantastic! NOT!!! 

Smith-Lemli-Optz Syndrome has an autosomal recessive pattern of inheritance (1 in 4 children can potentially get the disease). I'm not sure about Segawa Syndrome but I think I remember my doctor said they both were.

So now Dan needs to be tested for them as well. He did a spit test last night (Thursday) and I'm mailing it off today. Yes, a spit test. I almost threw up at the sound of him spitting into this tube. It was gross but needed to be done. There is a 2 week wait now to get his results. In the meantime, we cannot start our IUI process until we know his outcome. 

There are 2 outcomes here (duh). The first is that he is not a carrier of the diseases. Great! No problem, we can start for baby #2 without giving it a second thought. The second outcome, he is a carrier of one or both of them. Shit! This means that we can still try for baby #2 but it will be a different process now. 50% of my eggs are also carriers of these diseases. Fortunately my doctor will be able to tell which ones are by testing them. Once he finds the ones that have the genetic marker for the disease(s), he will separate them and remove them before inseminating me. Sounds high tech and hopefully if that is what we need to do it will be covered under our insurance. BUT, with luck this will not be something we have to do. Dan hopefully is not a carrier of any of these 2 diseases. Fingers crossed!!!

This does not only affect me now, but possibly my brother and 2 sisters. Because I'm a carrier it's possible that they are too. My doctor strongly advised me to let them know to get tested before trying to have a baby. The genetic testing is really expensive - $5,000 without insurance! Yes, that is 3 zeros. If you do have insurance it would be no more than $100 if anything. Crazy! I sent an email to my sibs last night to let them know. 

How does this affect Lily? Well, as of right now, I don't see anything to be concerned about. She doesn't show any signs of the diseases and hopefully Dan's results come back negative  and we can really have a sigh of relief. This does however affect her when she wants to have a baby. She is eventually going to need to have this genetic testing done to see if she inherited the carrier genes. UGH!

Anyway. That's what's going on this week. 

On a lighter note, Lily is now going up to me and Dan and giving us hugs. Only our legs though. Hopefully she works her way up into our arms soon. That will be an awesome moment! 

We have been doing a nightly routine now right before we put Lily down for the night. I change her diaper, with Dan's help. Then I pick Lily up and we have a group hug. Lily LOVES that part!! Then Dan and I kiss to show Lily how to (just a peck on the lips guys - rated G only!!) and then she goes in to kiss Dan then me. We tell her we love her and into bed she goes. I hope that lasts forever. Even when she's 20!

 

Lily's first big snow storm experience - NEMO!!

 Lily's first snow angel!

1 Year / 3 Weeks

Sorry for the 3 week hiatus. I really gotta stop doing that 'cause I forget all that's happened. Umm. OK, well let's see…

Lily is walking - wait, no, she's running all over the place. She thinks "No" is a game that is played whenever she goes to touch the living room lamp, or anything she's not supposed to touch. She actually laughed when I smacked her hand. Yeah, laughed at that and for a moment I thought she wanted me to smack her again. This is going to be fun times, I can see it now!

Lily has been on antibiotics now for a week and an ointment for an abscess she has on her right ankle. How did she get this abscess you ask? I'm asking myself the same question. Who knows? It could be from anything - a bug bite or a scratch that got infected. Luckily (or not so luckily) I know what an abscess looks like, having had 6 myself last year, and brought Lily to the doctor right away. Dan and I are very thankful she didn't need to get it lanced and drained. That would've been painful for Lily and would've left a scar.

I cut my hair into a pixie cut once more. Dan thinks I look soooo much better with the short hair, as do I, but Lily thinks I look funny. She must because I swear to you, she pointed at my hair and laughed. Yes, actually pointed and laughed at me. I might have been upset by this if I didn't think it was astonishingly funny of her to do so. We will have to teach her as she gets older that it is not OK to point and laugh at people. For right now though, it's cute.

This snow storm they have predicted is turning out to be a bust. I was watching the weather station last night and the weatherman actually said that there was absolutely no way this storm won't happen and we will get up to 16" of snow. Uh, well as I look out my window all I can see is some light rain. Stupid weathermen. Maybe the snow will come later tonight as they are now predicting. Whatever. Nemo is a cartoon fish, not a snowstorm. Get it right people!!

Week 52 - 1 Year Old!

 This is Lily from our very 1st ultrasound on 6/6/2011, when she was just 5 weeks 4 days old inside my womb, to her 1st birthday on 1/14/2013. 

I will be continuing to take monthly photos and will update this video each year.

LILY EMMA

January 13, 2012, I began my 37th week of pregnancy. I knew it was exactly 37 weeks because Dan and I conceived Lily from an IUI (intrauterine insemination) with our fertility doctor. Throughout the pregnancy I was so scared of having another loss that I kept telling her "37 weeks Lily. Just wait 'til at least 37 weeks. You'll be strong enough at 37 weeks." Well, she must have heard me 'cause at exactly 37 weeks my water broke. 1:00pm. I had no clue what was going on. I was in no pain. I had to call my midwife to ask her how I would know if my water broke. The night before I had visited with her and was told I was 1-2cm dilated. Who knew? I felt perfectly fine. My midwife confirmed that, yes, my water did break and I was beginning labor. By about 5pm, both Dan and my mother were urging me to go to the hospital. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Once at the hospital my midwife checked me and I was 5cm dilated. Around 8pm I was moved into the labor room. I was 8cm by that point and now feeling the pain in a major way. With all the research I did on how I wanted my birth plan to be, the only thing that remained the same was not having any interventions - no drugs, no epidural, no IV. I didn't have the water birth I so desperately wanted. I didn't birth Lily the way I thought I would, but I birthed her. I did it with only encouragement to help me through it. I screamed, moaned, and cried her out of me. I made sounds that to a passer by must have sounded as if there was either a farm animal in the hospital or a possessed person. The clock was staring down at me and by 12:00 midnight, I went into myself and said "I don't want this pain anymore. I don't want to feel this way anymore. The only person that can make it stop is me. I have to push through this pain. I have to take this pain and give into it. I have to push out my baby. No one is going to help me. I have to do this. I can do this." At 1:00am on January 14th, exactly 12 hours from when my water broke, Lily Emma was born. I was exhausted and I swear if I had tears left after all that I would have cried. She was here. I finally could hold her in my arms.

Now a year later and she's walking into my arms. Where has this year gone. I sometimes get sad when I  cradle her in my arms because she's so much bigger now. She's no longer a newborn. No longer a baby. Lily is now a toddler. I am amazed by how much she has grown and amazed by how smart she is at figuring things out. Her personality is perfect. She's funny and smart. She is patient and well behaved. She's a thinker and although she doesn't talk yet, she's always asking questions by pointing and raising the last vowel sound when speaking.

She is our rainbow baby. The most magical sight after a storm. Happy Birthday Lily Emma. You have given Mommy and Daddy the best gift of all - you.

Videos: Jan 11 - Jan 17