We Welcome Lily Emma Gorman

Lily Emma Gorman

Born at 1:00 am on Saturday, January 14, 2012

8 lbs 2.2 oz, 19 inches

The long hard journey is over and we finally have the baby we've always wanted. The way we got here seems like a distant memory now and I can move on. Welcome little tiger Lily to our family.

The Labor and Birth

Thursday, January 12, 2012 - 37 Weeks pregnant

Nothing out of the ordinary happened all day Thursday. No pain, no discomfort. Dan and I headed to our appointment with our midwife, Dale, for our weekly checkup. Since Dale had to give me a Group B Strep test and a Chlamydia test (hospital needed it on record that I don't have these things), I asked Dale to give me an internal exam. She wasn't even going to do it until our next appointment, but I asked, so she did. Dale said Lily's head was "right there" and I was already 1 to 2 cm dilated. She stripped my membranes and told me to get some herbal pills to get me ready for labor. Dale expected that I would go into labor within the next week.

Friday, January 13, 2012 - 37 Weeks, 1 Day pregnant

I got a pretty good nights sleep. I only woke up twice, which surprised me since I was always waking up every 1 to 2 hours throughout the night. I felt a little crampy, but nothing that was really bothersome. I finished writing and posted my blog for that week around 12:45 pm. At 1:00 pm I was getting into the shower and felt something wet on my thighs. I sat down on the toilet and gush! OK, what just happened? I didn't notice anything else come out at that point, but I called Dale to ask how I would know if my water broke. She said that I would be gushing water almost constantly. I said I wasn't and I had no pain, so she told me to just go about my day and call her if anything changed. When I got off the phone with her, I called Dan at work and gave him the heads up. 

I got into the shower and before I turned the water on gush… gush! Uh oh! I think my water definitely broke, maybe. All I could think was that I won't be able to do the water birth because my test results wouldn't be back for another three or four days. I continued to take a shower. When I finished, Dale called me and said that the test she did for Chlamydia was wrong and asked me if I would be able to go to the midwife in Medford to get it done again. I said I could, since I wasn't 100% now that my water had broken. Since the shower, nothing was coming out. I got dressed and made my way out to the car. Then, I headed back in to the apartment. All the way to the car, every time I took a step gush… gush… gush! OK, my water really did break and I was going to have a baby.

I called Dale to tell her my water did actually break. That was at 2:30 pm and she said that it could take 12 to 24 hours before anything really happens. She told me she had a meeting in Farmingdale at 7:00 pm and she would stop by to check on me after, around 7:30 pm. I called Dan and told him not to rush home. I still wasn't feeling any pain. Dan said that he would take the earlier train home so he would get here around 4:00 pm. I then called my mom. She said that she would come over right away. I told her she didn't have to, but she insisted.

My contractions started around 4:00 pm. I didn't know what they were supposed to feel like, so I wasn't quite sure if they really were contractions. They weren't painful, just a little tightening in my lower abdomen. My mom told me I should start keeping track and writing sown the times and length of the contractions. They started out by being 20 minutes apart. By 5:30 pm they were about 5 minutes apart. By 6:00 pm they were about every 2 to 3 minutes. At 6:30 pm, Dan and my mom insisted that I call Dale to let her know. I didn't want to bother her, since I knew she was going to be at the apartment within an hour, but I called. She said that she would skip the meeting and come straight over or she could just meet us at the hospital. I opted for her just to come by until 6:30 pm came around. Now the contractions were painful. We left for the hospital around 7:00 pm. 

When we got to the hospital, we went up to the labor and delivery floor. Dale was already there and got me set up to be monitored for about 20 minutes. They needed to draw blood and make sure my blood pressure was good and that Lily's heart rate was at a good pace for the water birth. I was checked to see how far along I was and it turned out I was already 5 cm dilated. Halfway there! When asked on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad the pain was, I said about a 5. That was at 8:00 pm. At 9:00 pm they advised me that Lily's heart rate was good, but she wasn't awake enough to do the water birth. They moved me to the labor room and checked me again. I was 8 cm dilated and by this point, the pain was at an 8. I was dilating quickly and by 11:00 pm I was dilated 10 cm. 

I have always said that I wanted to experience labor and birthing my baby. I did not want any drugs, no pain killers, no epidural. Oh, I experienced labor alright! Geez!! To tell you the pain was unbearable is not enough. The pain I felt was like nothing I have ever imagined or want to again. I screamed so hard I lost my voice and bruised my bronchioles, making it very difficult to breath when I stood up. I bruised the side of my right hand and forearm by hitting the side of the hospital bed as I screamed out, "fuck, Fuck, FUCK!!!" I was giving up. I kept saying that I just wanted Lily out and I didn't care how they would do it, I wasn't gonna do it by myself anymore. Unfortunately, once you're in labor, there's no going back. Once you hit 10 cm and your baby's head is popping out, there is nothing that will stop the pain until your baby is pushed out. I had to be strong. I had to get Lily out or the pain would last longer. It took everything I had inside of me to push her out. At 1:00 am, Lily was out of me and laying on my stomach - all 8 pounds 2.2 ounces of her! 

After the birth, my mom came into the room and told us that everyone could hear me scream clearly from the other side of the wall. That's how loud I was. When I was being wheeled out to go to my room, I asked the labor nurse if I scared any of the other women who were there to give birth. She said, "No comment." Then I asked how many women she sees who give birth without an epidural. She said, "Very few, almost all women will have an epidural." I was proud of myself for not getting one and doing it all on my own. With that said, I don't know if I'll do it again. I know from this experience that I am strong enough to do it, but to go through that amount of pain again is scary.

It took exactly 12 hours from the time my water broke to deliver our baby girl. It took 9 hours from the time I started having contractions. It took 2 hours of pushing once I was 10 cm dilated. All in all, it didn't take very long and I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful that our Lily Emma is healthy and strong. We took her home on Monday, January 16, 2012.

Dan and I are parents. I am finally a Mommy. We are a family!