I Might Be...

This was 22 weeks along (last week)

I might be...

1. ...tired. OK, exhausted from carrying 2 babies inside of my way extended womb and trying to keep our 2 1/2 year old entertained.
2. ...feeling huge. Yes, huge. I know at 23 weeks with twins I will be getting a lot bigger, but c'mon!! Geez! This is getting a little ridiculous. People look at me and think I'm gonna go into labor in front of them.
3. ...hurting. Pain comes with pregnancy but when my 2 1/2 year old is going through sympathy pains with me, you know there's a problem! She's waddling while holding her back. She's rubbing her belly and saying, "Oooo. Babies!" Every time I get up or move or, really, do anything, I breath a lot harder, so my sweet little girl is constantly rubbing my back or arm or leg and saying, "OK Mommy?"
4. ...annoyed. Yes, annoyed, by all the stupid questions that come along with being pregnant with twins. "Wow! Are you pregnant?" No. I just naturally look like I swallowed a basket ball. "Twins? Wow. So, when are you scheduled?" Scheduled? For what? A hair appointment? Just because I'm having twins doesn't automatically mean I'm being scheduled for a c-section. "So you're having a boy and a girl? That's great! Are they identical?" Oh my God! Really? Are you really that stupid that you're asking if a boy and a girl are identical? Yes. Yes they are. The girl has a penis and the boy has a vagina. Dumb!!! 
5. ...crazy. Crazy for wanting another natural birth. Especially now that there will be 2 babies coming out of me. Yup. I'm crazy, but I have my reasons! Hopefully there is no medical necessity for me having any kind of intervention (although I believe I will have the epidural this time around AND only because if something does go wrong I know I won't be able to sit up and be still for the spinal tap which means I'll have to be knocked out and I DO NOT WANT THAT!!! - please excuse my run-on sentence :) ).
6. ... house-ridden. Not right at the moment, but maybe soon...real soon. Not only is my cervix a little shortened (2.6 cm where normal is 3 cm or higher), but I run out of breath real easily. I'm slightly embarrassed to use the store's wheelchairs thinking there is nothing wrong with me, but there is. I'm pregnant with twins and I can hardly move without feeling like I'm gonna pass out. Not to mention the sciatic pain shooting down my back and butt. Ouch!
7. ...thankful. Yes, with all of these complaints or whatever they are, I am thankful. Thankful for being pregnant at all. Thankful for not going through another miscarriage. Thankful for Lily being a big sister to 2 little babies. Thankful for the most supportive husband who comes home a little early once a week to do the food shopping. Thankful that we will have 3 children because of the day in age that we are living in. Thankful that I survived all the poking and prodding and medications and never gave up hope in having the family Dan and I have always dreamed of having. I am thankful. Yes. Very thankful.

Our Twins

So, on Wednesday, the 9th, I had an appointment to get our babies measured and to find out for sure exactly what the sex is of the one we were unsure about. As it turns out we will be getting our wish: one boy and one girl! Lily will have a brother and a sister which is fantastic!!!

Baby A is our boy, Killian Orion. He is on the bottom and weighs about 1 pound. He was extremely active when the ultrasound technician started. Punching out both arms and legs, we think he was fighting for "his side" of my womb. By the time we were almost done, he was putting all his fingers in his mouth and falling asleep.

Baby B is our girl, Piper Wren. She is on the top and weighs about 14 ounces. She too was active in the beginning, but I think that had something to do with her brother kicking and punching her. A girl's gotta stand up for herself and it seems to be starting very early! By the time we were almost done, she was fast asleep as well. The technician was using my stomach as a sorta punching bag trying to get her to wake up and turn over. That didn't feel good at all and it didn't work.

The technician had me lay down on the chair flat. About 20 minutes in I couldn't take it anymore. My sciatic nerve pain in my back was KILLING ME!!!! I asked how much longer and she raised the chair up a bit so I wasn't laying flat any longer. It helped a little. Then she had me get up to empty my bladder so she could do an intrauterine ultrasound to measure my cervix. I could barely walk to the bathroom which was two doors down. I was in so much pain.

Once in the bathroom, I needed to give a sample so they could check my glucose levels. Let me just tell you that when you are pregnant and have a huge belly which is unmovable, getting that little collection cup in line with your "stream" is extremely difficult! That's all I'll say about that.

When everything was measured and I was done, Dan and I met with the doctor. This was a new doctor in the office, not the regular ones I normally see. Everything seemed to be OK. Both babies are at a good weight and I was given my next appointment date in four weeks for the gestational diabetes test.

Thursday, the 10th, I got a call from one of the regular doctors I see. He said that the babies looked good but that my cervix was a little shortened. Meaning I could go into preterm labor more easily because my cervix is not at a normal length. Since I didn't have my cervix measured when I was pregnant with Lily, I don't know if this is a pre-existing condition or if it's just this pregnancy. My doctor seems to think I could've had a shortened cervix with Lily since she came at 37 weeks, but we'll never know for sure. He said it is common for twins to come early anyway, but he prescribed Crinone (progesterone) to try to help prolong the pregnancy. I took Crinone in the 1st trimester to help keep the pregnancy and prevent miscarriage.

Anyway, I'll be taking the Crinone for the rest of the pregnancy and instead of waiting four weeks to go back, I have to go back in two weeks so they can check my cervix again. He said I wasn't dilated or anything so that is a good thing. I'm just hoping I don't have to go on bed rest. Or if I do, I hope it's just to limit my activities like not lifting anything heavy, aka: Lily, and no strenuous activity. I've already told Dan I'm putting myself on  limited activity so as to not make this a bigger problem than it is.

So, that's that. On a lighter note, Lily said her name for the 1st time on Wednesday. When we had asked her what her name was previously, she would always say, "Me." Now she says, "Leelee." Too cute!

Dear Lily

Dear Lily,

You are our "Rainbow Baby." The one who came to us after a long and painful journey. You are our little miracle. Mommy and Daddy love you with all our hearts and we will continue to love you just the same when you become a Big Sister.

You will be the best Big Sister because you are so caring and loving. I know it may be difficult at times since you will become a Big Sister of two at once, but just know that Mommy and Daddy will try our hardest to give you no less attention than you are used to. We will continue to play with you, and read to you, and watch Peppa Pig with you. We will take you on adventures that are just for you - "Lily Dates." We hope that this big change won't be a big emotional change for you.

Love with all our hearts,

Mommy & Daddy

_________________________________________________________________________________

How do I share all the love I feel for Lily with two other babies? How do I divide my heart up without trying to give any less love to Lily? How do other parents do it? How do parents go from having one child that is the world to them and jump right into an automatic three? I'm sure it may be difficult with having just one more child at a time, but having another two at once? Twins will take up a lot of time and energy. How will I cope? How will Lily cope? How will I divide my attention three ways without making Lily feel any less loved? It scares me when I think about it. I know I will get into a groove and all will eventually be OK and work out, but until I'm knee deep in it, I'm a little nervous about it.