Why I'm Firing My Obstetrician

Before I got pregnant for the first time back in November of 2009, I didn't think much about a birth plan. To be honest, with that pregnancy, because I really only had a week to take in that I was pregnant before I miscarried, I didn't think much about it at all. The second time I got pregnant back in May of 2010, I had more time before learning of my miscarriage and it gave me time to think about some options. I never knew there was any other option than going into the hospital and birthing my baby on a hospital bed. That's the way my mother did it, that's the way all of my aunts did it, and that's the way I ever really saw it being done on television and in the movies. If I did see anything different on television or movies, like a water birth, they made it out to be something that only hippies or weird women did. It was a joke.

Listening to all obstetricians talk about the birthing process is like listening to a bunch of people that take all the credit for something they were only a part of. Obstetricians have said to me, "I have delivered this many babies." But isn't it a fact that the women who are pregnant deliver the babies and the obstetricians are there to help and assist in the delivery? It frustrated me and I decided to do some research on some other options for my birthing experience. These were the things that I really wanted to learn more about:

1. Natural childbirth
2. Rate of caesarian births
3. Other ways besides a bed to give birth
4. Obstetricians, Midwives, Doulas - What roles do they have and how supportive are they in the choices women have for their birth experience

Dan and I have Netflix so I decided to look up any type of pregnancy documentary they had. I found a couple and started watching. The one I found most informative was done by Ricky Lake. The documentary called The Business of Being Born gave light to all of my questions. It was very informative and well played out. Dan even liked it. It definitely gave us, but ultimately me, a lot to think about.

If you are or know somebody who's pregnant I highly recommend this documentary. It was an eye opener for me and Dan.

So now after learning some things about natural childbirth, I really started to seriously like the idea of a water birth. I think that because of my lymphedema in both legs, a water birth might be the best option to relieve some of the tension that may be put on my legs. Especially if I don't want to give birth lying in a bed. My mother thinks it's gross. Every time I mention it she says, "yuck." I think she's just imagining all of the blood and mucus and after birth floating in the water with me. But who cares what's floating around you when you have a newborn in your arms that has just come from your body? I won't care.

So this brings me to this pregnancy. I am currently in the beginning of my second trimester (13 weeks tomorrow). At my obstetrician appointment at 12 weeks, I decided to ask my OB about when I should discuss with him my birth plan. He started waving his hands as if to say, "much later in your pregnancy." Then he said to give him a brief overview of what I was thinking about. I proceeded to tell him my thoughts. I will give you my questions and his answers to the best of my memory:

Me: "I want to go as natural as I can. I really don't want any pain medication."
OB: Smiles and says, "Well, that's fine. If you want to be in pain, that's your choice."

Me: "Because of my lymphedema, I am really thinking about doing a water birth."
OB: His facial expression changed and in an abrupt voice said, "Well I don't do water births and neither does the hospital or any other hospital in the area. If you want to do a water birth you have to do it at home and I won't do it.
Me: "Well I definitely don't want a home birth. I do want to be in a hospital."
OB: "Then you can't have a water birth."

Me: "Even if I can't have a water birth, I want the option to move around. I don't want to be stuck in the hospital bed or give birth on the bed."
OB: "You will not be aloud to walk around. You will be in the bed from the time you get to the hospital. You will be hooked up to an IV right away. If you want to move around, you can change positions in the bed."

My Mother: "Her husband wants to be able to catch the baby." Dan thinks it would be best if the first people to actually touch and hold our baby is us. I like that idea.
OB: "Absolutely not. What if he drops the baby? What if he passes out? No. I will be the one to deliver the baby."

Me: "I'm thinking about having a doula since I want to go natural and may need some help getting through the pain."
OB: With a very abrupt tone, "I refuse to work with doulas and I will not be the Dr. who will deliver the baby if you have one."

OB: Now sounding like he doesn't want to be bothered by me anymore, says while walking towards the door, "You have to decide quickly what you want to do because I don't want to invest anymore of my time with you if you are going to want something different."

Then he walked out of the room. I wasn't done talking to him and he just left the room. What an a-hole, seriously. My mother was with me and she found him to be abrupt also, so I wasn't imagining things. After he left the room I asked my mom if that was it, are we finished? I didn't know because he didn't say anything else. When we went up to the front desk the woman behind the counter was like, "did the Dr. tell you when you needed to come back?" I told her he just walked out of the room and didn't tell me anything. So I made an appointment for my 16 week checkup and at first she said it would be with the Dr. who made the mistake with my last pregnancy by telling me everything looked great, even though I miscarried. I told the woman I do not want to see her, any other Dr. but her. She gave me another appointment but said that if no one else is available at the time I give birth, that Dr. could be the one to deliver.

OK, so now I had a decision to make. I definitely do not want that incompetent Dr. delivering my baby. I also want to be able to have choices when it comes to my birthing experience. It seemed to me that the only way I will get what I want is by firing my obstetrician and finding someone else who can respect my decisions. This OB denied everything. It was a strange realization that everything that the documentary The Business of Being Born gave light to in the way of obstetricians, came true for me. When I watched the documentary I didn't put too much thought into what my Dr. would do or how he would react to my birth plan. It definitely makes me question the medical field in obstetrics.

I went home and did some research on the computer. I also asked one of Dan's friend's, who is into a lot of natural things when it comes to her own child if she knew anything that would help me with the birth plan I wanted. She had suggested looking up Nassau University Medical Center (NUMC) in East Meadow, NY. She said that they do water births. I was thrilled and pissed off at the same time once I went to the hospital's website. Thrilled that, yes, in fact they do water births, and pissed off that my OB blatantly gave out wrong information for what purpose? To try and scare me off in wanting a water birth? He said, "No hospitals in the area do water births and you'll have to do it at home." Obviously not true! I feel sorry for the women out there who take their Dr.'s word and go against what they want out of their birth experience. It saddens me and makes me want to shout out, DO YOUR RESEARCH!! IF YOUR DR. TELLS YOU "NO, YOU CAN'T" AND THERE'S NO MEDICAL REASON WHY YOU CAN'T, THEN FIGHT BACK AND SAY "YES I CAN!"

Things I found out about NUMC that I love:

1. They have the lowest caesarian rate on Long Island
2. The highest vaginal birth after caesarian rate (VBAC) on Long Island
3. The lowest pre-term birth rate
4. The lowest episiotomy and laceration rate
5. Private room where partners can stay overnight with mom
6. Rooming in where baby can stay with you most of the time instead of the nursery 
7. Their obstetric department supports the midwifery model of care
8. Midwifery patients can eat, drink, walk about, and be intermittently monitored 
9. They have a state of the art underwater birthing room
10. They have a Level III Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) if there's any complications

There it is. I found my hospital. Now I have to find a new obstetrician. But do I really want an OB? Won't they be in a similar mind-frame as the OB I'm firing? I decided to look up nurse-midwives. I found a midwife practice, Gaia Midwifery, that does a lot of water birth deliveries at NUMC. I liked their website and decided to make an appointment. So now I'm waiting for my appointment next week. I have lots of question for them and can't wait to discuss all that they can offer.

First impression of Gaia Midwifery:
When I got the call back to set up a meet and greet with the midwife, I spoke with one of the doulas there. I told her that I was firing my OB and she asked why. I told her I had lots of issues with them and my OB didn't want to be a part of anything that I was thinking about for my birth plan. She asked what Dr. and what hospital he works out of. I told her, not having any qualms about giving up his name, and she asked, "Does he work in that practice with that other Dr. whose name starts with an O?" Right away I knew she was talking about that incompetent Dr. who gave me and Dan misinformation about our second pregnancy. I laughed and told her the story. Then she told me her experiences at that same hospital with the same Dr.'s and it just proved my point even more: Midwives are better than obstetricians when it comes to the caring and support of women in labour. 

Our First Trimester

We have made it! Our first trimester (the 1st 12 weeks) is over and the baby is doing great!
I guess we are lucky in the fact that we got to see our baby grow week by week starting at 5 weeks 4 days. There aren't too many women out there that have that experience. It's amazing how fast a baby grows.

Here are the first trimester ultrasounds:

5 weeks 4 days

6 weeks 4 days - 1st time we heard the baby's heartbeat! 

7 weeks 5 days

8 weeks 5 days - 3D ultrasound - I LOVE this one!

9 weeks 1 day

12 weeks 0 days
It's a wonderful feeling when you see your baby move for the first time. We're in love already!

And here are my first trimester belly pics:

More bloating than baby

More bloating - no I'm not having twins!

I had vertigo here…it was horrible, but I put on a smile. Bloating went down a bit. Belly getting hard.

Feeling good. No more vertigo.

The Long Journey

Hi everyone. I am writing this blog to keep family and friends up to date with our pregnancy and for anyone that might be interested. The information in this first blog is very personal and only a handful of people are aware of what Dan and I have gone through. This first blog is to help family and friends understand our journey and how hard it has been.

Dan and I were married on September 26, 2009, as most of you know. We couldn't wait to get married and start a family. Two months later, on November 26th (Thanksgiving) we found out we were pregnant. Dan and I were so excited and we told both of our parents the same way - by putting a baby sock in a card for Thanksgiving. Little did we know that our happiness would turn into heartache. On December 1, 2009, I had a miscarriage. We were understandably upset but we started trying to conceive again.

Our Angel Baby #2

On May 26, 2010, we found out we were pregnant again. It was a great moment but I was so scared of losing the baby. We made our first appointment with the obstetrician for June 17th which was almost at our 9 week mark. The doctor did an ultrasound and said everything looked great. She said it was too early to see a heartbeat since she measured the baby at 6 weeks. Dan and I knew that we were farther along because we calculated the days I was ovulating and only tried on those days. We knew we were about 9 weeks and tried to explain that to the doctor but she kept saying that we were only 6 weeks along and we must have calculated wrong. She continued to say everything looks great for 6 weeks of pregnancy and gave us the ultrasound picture. We went home very confused and tried to rationalize her discrepancy by saying there must have been something wrong with the ultrasound machine or she may have put the wrong size when she measured. Deep down I was fearing the worst.

One week later, the morning of June 25th, I started to bleed, just a little. I made an appointment right away for that afternoon and because we were just told the prior week that everything was good, I tried not to let myself get worked up. I went to work that morning, told my supervisor that I had to leave at 12pm but that I would be back within an hour or two. When I got to the doctor's office, I saw a different doctor than the week before and he gave me the most horrible news: our baby stopped growing at 6 weeks and I was having a missed miscarriage. I couldn't talk, all I could do was cry, and I was alone. The doctor was very nice, but I don't really remember too much about the rest of that appointment. I went to my car and I called my supervisor to tell her I wouldn't be back. I could barely get the words out. She knew I had a miscarriage before so she knew what was going on and I didn't really need to say much. Then I had to call Dan and tell him what happened and that he needed to come home. I think I called my mom, but I don't remember too much about the rest of that day. I don't remember the drive home. I didn't pass the baby until July 1st, at 10 weeks 6 days.

Dan and I were happy with the 2nd doctor I saw. He seemed to really listen to our concerns and he recommended that we see a fertility doctor. He said, "Why wait till you have a third miscarriage to go to a fertility doctor, like most doctors would recommend?" Good point. So we had our 1st fertility appointment on August 3, 2010. Lots of blood work, lots of testing. I had an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) and an SHG (Sonohysterogram) done to look for abnormalities and/or blockages in my uterus and fallopian tubes. They tested Dan's blood and semen to make sure he was OK.

Here were the findings:

• Dan checked out OK - no problems on his end
• They found that I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and put me on a medication called Metformin. Read about the condition here: PCOS
• The HSG came back normal while the SHG showed 2 large polyps on the wall of my uterus. Read about these tests here: HSG and SHG

So now we had some answers. The doctor wasn't 100% sure if these issues were the actual causes of my miscarriages, but he said that they probably were. He was very surprised that I got pregnant at all because of the PCOS since I don't ovulate normally. So now we had to take care of a few things before we could start trying for another baby.

I started taking Metformin right away. My dosage was supposed to be two 750mg a day. I was getting so sick with just one pill that they tried me on three 500mg a day. After the second 500mg pill I was getting really sick. So finally I've been taking one 500mg a day. On September 22, 2010, I went to the hospital to have surgery. They needed to remove the two polyps from my uterus and inserted a balloon to hold my uterus open until I healed. That was uncomfortable to say the least. On October 7th, I got the balloon taken out. On November 15th, I had another SHG done to make sure everything was clear. We were ready to start for a baby now.

Since infertility is not covered by Dan's insurance, we decided to wait till January to start trying to conceive with the help of the fertility doctor. Dan has a Payflex account that he can put money into to use for medical purposes and it's taken out of his paycheck before taxes. Each monthly cycle that we would need to do before we get pregnant cost us about $3000. That price includes all of the blood work, ultrasounds, office visits, inseminations, and medication. We did four cycles before we got pregnant. Lots of money, but worth every cent. I won't go into the details of the inseminations unless someone is really curious, then maybe I'll blog about it.

The week before our last insemination, the little blue bird of happiness dropped a gift on Dan's shoulder. For those Maier folk out there, I think Mommom was sending us luck! Another lucky thing about our timing on this one was our last insemination was on Friday the 13th. We also had to have the insemination done by the alternate Dr because my Dr was unavailable on the days my insemination fell on. I also have been out of work on short term disability since 2 weeks before this last insemination. I was having terrible leg pain, headaches, and insomnia - later to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Because of this, I did not have (and still don't have) the added stress of work to deal with (which I think helped).

So last year - May 26, 2010 we got a positive on the home pregnancy test. This year on May 27, 2011, almost exactly a year to the day, we got a positive with a blood test. Our estimated due date is February 3, 2012! Up to the 11 week mark, July 15th, I needed to take Endometrin (progesterone) 3x's a day to help my uterine lining receive and nourish a fertilized egg. I will take the Metformin until the end of the first trimester, July 21st.


I will forever remember my angel babies. Being pregnant now does not negate the fact that I was pregnant before. It does not make me forget all the pain I felt or the look on my husband's face of worry, concern, and heartache. An angel baby will always be remembered as an angel looking down on us from above, keeping us safe and helping us through the hard times.

I hope this first blog clarifies a few things about what we have endured to get to where we are today. We never thought it would be this difficult to have a baby. We will never take this pregnancy or our baby for granted. I may have discomforts with this pregnancy but I will never complain. I will never get upset because my pregnant belly is keeping me from doing something as trivial as shaving my legs, wearing certain clothes, or sleeping on my stomach. I will be grateful for my pregnant belly and all of the morning sickness, back pain, and stretch marks I may get. Everything is a welcomed reminder that I am still pregnant and my baby is healthy.

Thanks for reading! Comment if you'd like. And… Please follow our blog for more updates and sonogram pics.